Naej, I want to clarify that my W wasn't with me at the dance venue, when I was asked the question. As the connection with my W increases, my anxiety also increases about us being a public couple.
My W isn't as careful with her words as I am. She revealed to our dance instructors about a trip she took several years ago with another person. The dance instructor exclaimed, "Oh, one of those trips." At a recent lesson, she complained to the instructors about how I criticized her on the dance floor, and complained for the entire lesson.
She can be a difficut person to be with in public. As long as there's structure, she's fine, but I would be uncomfortable being with her in an intimate setting with others.
I am reluctant to admit she's my W. The connection between us has improved only in the past several months. For most of last year, I was a member of the ballroom community on my own while, she went dancing with her friend. I didn't feel like I had a W. For a period of time, I wasn't allowed to reveal that she was my W, so maybe that's still impacting me. My hesitation to call her my W is a reflection about my own ambivalence about things, and the difficulty in moving towards intimacy, and her continual pushing the boundaries.
I don't worry about compatability problems. I have a great deal of freedom to pursue my interests. I'm missing a partner I can comfortably be in public with, and be able to form connections with others as a couple. We've never been able to do that with a healthy couple.
I was in counseling last year.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
