New to piecing. Short overview, SO had 3 month PA/EA. Exposed Dec 09. OW continues to attempt contact every few weeks, called SO's phone last night at midnight. We are working on relationship in MC, reading "Just between friends". SO doing most things right, NC, transparency, sharing. I am facing new feelings of depression, and finding it hard to GAL.
1. How do I stop the obsessive thoughts, when OW attempts contact they get worse. 2. Is it to late to contact OW's partner and inform them. Am i just a wimp or have others not told. 3. Should SI write OW again regarding no contact and staying for love. First and only note to her was day of exposure and stated, 'I love you but want to work on my marriage.'
Anybody have this experience of OW not going away?
Ok, asked my SO is there something that you can do to stop the contact? SO states no open doors, the only thing she knows to do is continue to block emails and calls and to know herself. That there has been NC only attempted contact by OW.
So this is my work, learning to stop putting energy into OW.
3. Should SI write OW again regarding no contact and staying for love. First and only note to her was day of exposure and stated, 'I love you but want to work on my marriage.'
In my opinion, mistake #1 was allowing the "I love you" statement to remain in the NC letter. OP for the most part, don't like it when they are kicked to the curb in favor of the LBS, especially with such a short timespan of their relationship.
I also would not ask of the WAS what to do. You know YOU need to feel secure with the situation, and myself like any other cheated on spouse/"SO" would be demanding that all efforts to to sway the OP from contacting be followed through.
"Blocking e-mails" and failing to answer calls, to me is not effective and a questionable move in my book. Tell "SO" the next time that phone rings and it's OP, they will answer it and they will demand, not request to be left alone.
Originally Posted By: Wonderxtreme
dday got any secrets, how do you forgive.
Forgiveness, to me, only comes with time and reflection. And A LOT of both.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
If she is committed, then she should be willing to prove it to you. She doesn't want to hurt someone? Too late bad choices meant someone was going to get hurt.
IF she is worthy of trust and forgiveness, you will know, by her actions.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
In my opinion, mistake #1 was allowing the "I love you" statement to remain in the NC letter. OP for the most part, don't like it when they are kicked to the curb in favor of the LBS, especially with such a short timespan of their relationship.
Right, this happened before I had time to think or take a step back. I just don't know what to do about it. Another NC letter? I know I need to have some clarity and request what I need.
Quote:
I also would not ask of the WAS what to do. You know YOU need to feel secure with the situation, and myself like any other cheated on spouse/"SO" would be demanding that all efforts to to sway the OP from contacting be followed through.
Good point. I think this hit on one of my insecurities. Thanks for the advice.
If she is committed, then she should be willing to prove it to you. She doesn't want to hurt someone? Too late bad choices meant someone was going to get hurt.
IF she is worthy of trust and forgiveness, you will know, by her actions.
Yes, I do think she is protecting OW. I mean she is not really taking action, but avoiding contact. Is that enough for me? That's the question right? Is it ok for me that this OW thinks she still loves her and in this relationship for what?
Do you think there will be more harm in requesting that SO write another NC letter that I read? Actually while I am reading this I know this is what I need.
I mean she is not really taking action, but avoiding contact.
And that to me says your "SO" is just 'sweeping the matter under the rug', and what happens to things when they are swept under the rug? Will you feel secure with that looming around?
You consistantly use the word "request" in this situation. There is not enough information here, in this thread that tells me what your contibution was to make your "SO" walk and have an A, which is also the reason why I don't understand your rather relaxed stance of "requesting".
Especially when the wounds are so fresh. Most folks only a few months out of "the bomb" would be madder than hell still. And they would be demanding more of the WAS than in the way that I use the word "demand" it'self.
Last edited by dday101798; 03/24/1008:58 PM.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
lol, I know it reads like that but believe me lots of anger. I demanded an immediate NC email the day I found out plus MC, and access to email and phones. I do not know how to find my old stich will look.
But your point it taken. I do feel more passive lately, connected to feeling depressed about it all maybe?
