I really do not expect to hear the news via Facebook - just torturing myself and being dramatic. Just thinking how weird it will be when her last name is not my last name.
I did go out tonight - took my mom out for dinner.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
So lately, I find myself checking my wife's Facebook page just to make sure we are still married.
Oh God, I'm doing that too, bt! And also looking at his ring finger to make sure he's still wearing it. :-(. Take care-
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I signed divorce papers on the 17th; my wife has not signed the papers yet.
Today I asked her "what are your plans? what will you do? where do you plan to go?" Up until today, I always got an "I don't know" or a "maybe this maybe that" kind of answer.
Today she told me she has been looking for a cheap apartment locally. This is not what I expected. I expected to see her move to our home state (1000 miles away) close to where the EA/OM lives. She claims the OM is no longer a factor and that she does not communicate with him. I have not been able to confirm this one way or the other.
She is seeing a counselor and this is the reason she gives for staying local. She is about to start treatment for PTSD and wants to see if this helps her or not. She says if it doesn't help she will go (leave the state?).
I am not sure what to do at this point. I need to come up with a $20K in cash as part of the divorce settlement (half the value of a residential lot we own). Do I give her the money and send her on her way? Or, do I delay and hope something changes? I am not obligated to produce the cash until 30 days after the divorce.
On one hand, I like the idea of her being close (I still love and care about her). On the other hand, I know I will have a difficult time moving on if she is nearby.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
If she is the one that filed for D..why hasn't she signed??
If you are giving her the money so that you can move on- do it.
If you are giving her the money now to keep her close/take care of her- IMO..you are doing it for the wrong reason.
If you are in a financial situation where it is hard to part with the cash...wait until after the D is final- nothing wrong with using the time you are alotted.
I think this decision needs to be about you...what you need and want.
I don't know why she has not signed yet but its only been a week.
I think what I am really asking is "do just get this over with?" Giving her the money would remove all obstacles - and she would be free to go (local or otherwise).
I know I am in denial but part of me wants to think that giving her the money is a signal that I have totally "let go" or "given up" and that once I have given up the fight she might have second thoughts.
The worse case scenario is that it just accelerates the divorce. Maybe at this point this isn't a bad thing.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
I agree with Lola on the money. If you are wanting to move on with your life, you give her the money and stop concerning yourself with what is, or is not going to happen. Regardless of her being close or not, you tell yourself she is far, far away. You signed the papers, you need not worry what she is going to or not going to do. Detach, you have not yet. Shock
I know I am in denial but part of me wants to think that giving her the money is a signal that I have totally "let go" or "given up" and that once I have given up the fight she might have second thoughts.
Might be easier for you if you think of it as "fulfilling your contract" or "paying your bills" instead of tying it to an emotional idea. It's money; not love.
Whether you pay now or later, it has no effect on whether she'll come back or not. And if the money makes a difference on whether she returns or leaves, well, that will be the best 20k you spend.
Don't you deserve someone who wants to be with you. not your checkbook? Don't you deserve that?
