flowmom | need to commit to myself

[flowmom]

"I need you because I love you, I dont love you because I need you".

I like that.

sex, affection, intimate conversation, certain kinds of companionship, easily togetherness within one's home, etc.

These are wants. Someone who is single is not complete? A widow/widower is less of a person?

Wants vs needs: that's semantics. Some books on M would call those needs. In fact humans' needs are hierarchical. As you know I never wrote or implied that a single or widowed person is "not complete". But I'm sure that many single or widowed people do have a need for sexual intimacy, for example, that is not met. Just because that need is not as fundamental to human survival as food or water does not mean that it is not a need.

No one else could be a mother to our children.

We adopted our daughter and are every bit her parents. Doesn't diminish her birth mother.

I was speaking about my children, who have no other mother than me. I had no intention of implying that adoptive parents are any less important than biological parents.

I will always rely on H to be a father to my children, and if he dies or doesn't fulfil that role I will have no way of making that OK for my children.

It's not your job to make things OK for other people.

True.

When you start depending on other people for needs that are your responsibility then the relationship becomes unhealthy.

I agree. I think that I did fail to meet some of the needs that are my responsibility in my M. I don't think that I depended on H for those however...the needs were simply not met for a long time.