H came home late last night and looking for dinner as he walked in. My best friend was here and we looked at each other like..uh, well you weren't here so you get no food. He made his own dinner.
I LOVE this. Good for you! I kind of did that to my H last night too- except I went out with a friend and he had to forage for leftovers and did so, mopily. WhatEVER.
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He wasn't very social...well who would be when you are out cheating and then come home to the family you are betraying? Funny thing is he wasn't on his blackberry - prob cuz friend was here but I'm sure he was dying not being on it (nope not mindreading)
So, I've skimmed through as much of your situation as I can right now- pardon me for asking something you might've already addressed, but has it ever come up that you might want to kick him out as long as he appears to be with OW? I feel like you should have a safe place in your home and he doesn't really seem to deserve to be there with you, given his behavior. I'm new to all this DB, so don't even know if kicking him out is in line, but...
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3 things...
1 - breakfast with friend 2 - work out 3 - read
I like your 3 things list! Seems like you're doing a good job finding activities to do for YOU each day, which is very admirable.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
So, I've skimmed through as much of your situation as I can right now- pardon me for asking something you might've already addressed, but has it ever come up that you might want to kick him out as long as he appears to be with OW? I feel like you should have a safe place in your home and he doesn't really seem to deserve to be there with you, given his behavior.
I was just reading over what has been going on and I was wondering the same thing. When I confronted H about OW, I told him to leave but in the end he refused so we just had a very short in house separation. We have 2 floors, so H moved downstairs and I had rules when he was able to come upstairs. Are you able to isolate him to another part of the house? I have not read everything but you just seem to nice to him Luv.
but has it ever come up that you might want to kick him out as long as he appears to be with OW? I feel like you should have a safe place in your home and he doesn't really seem to deserve to be there with you, given his behavior.
Originally Posted By: maple
Are you able to isolate him to another part of the house? I have not read everything but you just seem to nice to him Luv.
you know my thoughts.
There are gates in your sitch & you have made it clear to me you do see them.
When you decide which ones you will open & when... I will support you.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
H came home late last night and looking for dinner as he walked in. My best friend was here and we looked at each other like..uh, well you weren't here so you get no food. He made his own dinner.
this is good...ONLY, if you did it right. and depending what your goal is. Did you guys look at each other like, what on earth does he think..he don't deserve any food, are you kidding??
OR, did you look at each other like, oh, oops, that is unfortunate, but there would be dinner for you if you are here at dinner time.
do you see the difference? it's kinda hard to type emotions and looks on here.
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He wasn't very social...well who would be when you are out cheating and then come home to the family you are betraying? Funny thing is he wasn't on his blackberry - prob cuz friend was here but I'm sure he was dying not being on it (nope not mindreading)
here is where I see the negatives. hey, if he doesn't get on his blackberry, why not invite people over all the time! lol
also, in regards to people mentioning to kick him out. that is definitely an option, although one I never recommend unless you are truly prepared for it and depending on your goal.
What I think you should do for sure, is set a boundary for him out of respect for both you and the kids, to not have contact with her in the home, and if he needs to have contact, then he needs to leave the home and do it elsewhere. and then decide a consequence, which might be getting kicked out.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
good job on listing your three things. why don't you start expanding on those things. how are those things making you feel better? what is your passion? what activities are you doing to embrace those passions. they could be previous passions from before the marriage, or maybe new ones.
something other than just a list of 3 things. (which is a very very good thing, just trying to bump you up a notch)
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
ST - yeah we did look at each other like "oh you missed dinner" so we weren't rude about it. My 3 things are hard to even do...I'm trying to stay positive in a f*cked up situation. I'm starting to get angry so I'm really trying here. The new ones I'm gonna try are meeting new people - going out with guys - creating platonic male friendships.
Bridge - you were so helpful - I really did need that boost. Thank you.
Maple - I'm in a one story house but he IS on the couch for breaking a boundary. I think I've been too nice to him too - he is screwing me over royally and I'm just bending over! I'm going to start making clear boundaries once I have gathered some good info on him.
Thank you friends...I really appreciate everyone's time. Please pray for Luv.
XOXO
Last edited by luvless; 03/23/1011:39 PM.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
It is really hard to be patient because we don't know the outcome. I am tired of being patient too. I feel for you and your situation.
I know how to do some boundaries, but it is hard to do for me. I am finding it is more and more important. I just want to expose, expose, expose right now. Then when my situation is better, I plan to do some really strong boundaries. Easier said than done, but I believe it is necessary.
Keep your positivity please. That is important for you too.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
