Gno, feel free to disagree all you want with me. I am one of those that learn out of diagreements and I am sick enough to actually enjoy it, I dont get mad.
I understand your point BUT, he is not taking the kids to free flo so that she can "pitch in". The kids are his as well and he should take them even if he was making 1 bilion dollars per year. She doenst owe him anything. Plus, things are tougher because he decided, to change the family status quo. Consequences...
Also, I dont see how not telling him what she does at evenings should make him feel frustrated unless she works at a night job. She can always minimize the risk of being regarded as selfish if she informs him of her job prospectives, NOT her personal/social life.
IMO, flo, this money thing is a serious issue and I know you see it as one as well. But please, dont put yourself in the corner for staying at home to raise YOUR kids. There is a middle ground somewhere, why so much guilt and concern about that? If you think that is somekind of dealbreaker for him, reassure him by your actions that you are looking for ways to be financially independent and you will not be "siiting around enjoying his money" (I disagree anyway but just saying that for teh sake of teh discussion) He needs to understand that will take some time.
And I have this phrase at my FB profile, it says, "I need you because I love you, I dont love you because I need you". That is for me healthy and it does involve needing the other person, the other way around, well..., it wont work for me. K
to actually enjoy it, I dont get mad. 
