She as not brought up the R or D. I have not received papers yet.
Nothing much has changed . I tried to shut her down on the sex, lasted for two days.
She will not leave me alone. 100% of all contact starts with her. She want's to know what I'm doing when I go out, who I was with ect. I stay vague. It's not annoying yet. No more or less then if we were still in a healthy relationship.
If she's at work I get about 6 emails a day. Mostly asking how I am and how my day is going. I reply with short answers.
We exchange about 50 texts a day. 90% of them are sexual. The rest are similar to the emails. She calls me at least 6 times a day. She said all she wants to do lately is F my brains out. This has been going on for about three weeks now.
Her night school got done early last night and she surprised me by stopping over for some fun. We hung out on the couch afterward and cuddled.
In one text conversation she asked what I was thinking. I told her some nasty sexual stuff about her and some "other" stuff too. She said we could talk about the "other" stuff if I wanted. I said she needs to talk to me about it. We both know how each other feels, no need to beat a horse to death.
She said the physical stuff is there, but there is no trust and so much baggage. The only thing I said was you are right. Later she came over to you know what.
I don't know if I should make a move of some sort. I know this is the limbo stage.
I'm not worried about what is going on. I'm enjoying the ride for sure. If I'm missing something obvious I would like to know. Her behavior is both great and troubling.
was she ever this sexually charged during the marriage before separation, OM and divorce talks entered the picture?
I would say that she's having a ton of sex with you and possibly someone else and she's enjoying the attention.
She's having sex with you so that you don't start pursuing sex with another woman, it's very common and the technique is called "tagging" or marking her territory so that you don't have sex with anyone, she wants you to believe she wants to have a relationship with you, she knows you get emotionally invested and think that things will turn around and improve but this is her ego calling the shots and she doesn't have that intention, she's controlling this right now, you have to see that. Do you think if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one pursuing her, sending her all these sexual texts that you would convince her to have all this sex with you? Not bloodly likely, she would shut you out, it would be a long cold winter for you. She knows she can get away with it because she knows you're still invested in her emotionally, you want her, you love her and she knows you want to have sex with her. She knows all of this and uses it to her advantage.
Prove my point, the next time she comes over to have sex with you, tell her you can't tonight, you're going out with a "friend", get all dolled up as if you're going out on a date, watch her reaction, she will be pissed at you, really angry, you'll be deviating from the course she has planned for you.
Yes she had her moments. I don't think this is a conscious decision. She can't explain why she is doing it.
I was afraid of the "tagging". That is exactly what she is doing. I have asked if she was interested in the sex because of that, her reply was "it's familiar with you". As soon as she heard other women are sniffing around is when the "attraction" started. The more I act like I'm seeing OP the more drawn she is to me. She also see's the confidence and my attitude are changed. I'm being more the man I used to be. It would be nice if she was attracted to me again, but my gut tells me otherwise.
I'm doing my best to stay emotionally detached when it comes to sex.
How do I convey this is not the kind of relationship I want?
I've tried the "not this time, going out". She was bummed but didn't get too upset. I'll try the "with a friend" next time.
Because of our schedules now she would have very little opportunity to be with anyone else. I'm not putting it past her however.
Yes she had her moments. I don't think this is a conscious decision. She can't explain why she is doing it.
Think about that, she can't explain why she's doing it.
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I was afraid of the "tagging". That is exactly what she is doing. I have asked if she was interested in the sex because of that, her reply was "it's familiar with you". As soon as she heard other women are sniffing around is when the "attraction" started.
That's why I mentioned the tagging, you were starting to move on, she wants to keep you in your place, she doesn't want you to be controlled by another woman, she enjoys the control she has over you.
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The more I act like I'm seeing OP the more drawn she is to me. She also see's the confidence and my attitude are changed. I'm being more the man I used to be. It would be nice if she was attracted to me again, but my gut tells me otherwise.
Trust your gut instinct, it's there for a reason.
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I'm doing my best to stay emotionally detached when it comes to sex. How do I convey this is not the kind of relationship I want?
You tell her this isn't the kind of relationship you want. She either steps up to the plate and becomes part of a new relationship between the two of you or she leaves because she doesn't want that. If she just wants sex you have to decide whether that's good enough for you, we can't decide that for you, if sex is all you need right now, stick with it if the sex is good, if you really want a relationship and she doesn't and she won't change, you have to decide when enough is enough and move on to a new relationship with someone new.
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I've tried the "not this time, going out". She was bummed but didn't get too upset. I'll try the "with a friend" next time.
If someone else is in the picture she isn't suffering from lack of sex, oh well she only gets sex with one person today instead of two, she'll survive somehow LOL!
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Because of our schedules now she would have very little opportunity to be with anyone else. I'm not putting it past her however.
"she would have very little opportunity"....famous last words ;-)
It's up to you Jake, what do you want, you're allowed to make a decision, it's your life. Is sex alone good enough? If so keep banging away, if it's not, then you will have to decide when to move on. It could also be that when you move on, she wakes up and wants to have a relationship with you (and then again maybe not), life is funny like that.
). I think she is keeping me on a string for a back up.