Reading your post just now, I thought of something that happened after new years that I don't think I ever put in the right context until now.
Long story short: New year's eve we both went different places. When I got home at @ 2:00 a.m., W was waiting in bed with new bra and panties, she said how sorry she was for hurting me, I was her life, she loved me and didn't want to lose me, etc. We made love and it was great. After that, to me, it was like the past few months had never happened. We would be OK. This lasted for four days. One night, we went to bed, she fell asleep in my arms and the next morning, before she said a word to me, I knew the alien was back. That night, she said nothing had changed, ILYBNILWY, she just needed time. I told her, no. If you want out, lets not wait, I'll go see a lawyer this week and we can get the ball rolling. I reminded her that she said she was done, it's too late, all of that BS. She suddenly changed her tune. She said she just meant she was done with arguing about the same thins, that it's too late to make up for lost time. We would be OK, this happens in every marriage, this is just a bad time for her and us and we would work through it.
This was on Jan. 4, and here it is almost three months later and things are a little better, but not good. Anyway, the point of my story is when I stood up to her and said let's not wait, let's do this now if you want, she backed down. I was so depressed for a long time and so upset that she could go from I love you and sorry I hurt you to nothing has changed so quickly that I didn't realize what I did then is what I and all of us in this sitch need to do every day.
If they want it, let them have it. Don't try to talk her out of it. I did it the one time and it almost slipped my mind but it worked. You don't have to be an a$$. Tell her you don't agree but if that's what she wants, you can't stop her from moving out.
Coach says "big girl panties". PDT says "embrace the suck". None of this is easy and if we want it to work, we must be willing to take that step of faith and do what doesn't feel right, but do what works.(sandi2)
Again, not easy and I have trouble myself, but the answers are here all over this board. We have to be strong enough to do what we have to do to try and save our marriages and ourselves. I strive every day to find that strength and be more consistent in my actions.
