In the state I live in, leaving the house puts you at a major disadvantage, especially when it comes to custody of the children. They will actually use the term abandonment of the family and marital home.
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE AT THIS TIME.
You need to stay the hell away from her for the time being. Do NOT engage her in any way, and start documenting EVERYTHING.
Do not be afraid to ask your lawyer any questions you may have. Remember he is working for you, you make the final decisions here. Keep a note pad with you, if a question arises, write it down. You have an awful lot going on and it's easy to forget things at times.
Do not be intimidated by all of this either. Lawyers know the law, but they are NOT the law.
Be nice to them, apply no pressure, talk NOT of the old relationship = they will be nice to you.
Which of course we immediately interpret as some crazy kind of "baby step" back towards us.
Good God, we are such morons sometimes.
Get in touch with FIB, he can tell you lots and lots about orders of protection and the like.
Keep this in mind - she probably pressed you because you pressed her. YOU are the one who threatened to call people. So she threatened back.
You better get smart and you better get smart in a hurry Eric. I don't know if your problem is that whole hispanic male "I gotta have my respect" deal or what, but you've consistently allowed your emotions to open your mouth and fill it with stuff that eventually gets you in trouble. Well my friend, the stakes right now are these:
lose custody of kids, except for supervised visits pay child support through the rectal cavity pay alimony through the rectal cavity give her your home assume all marital debt
Yeah, possibly that bad.
Screw the "find your nuts" talk. You need the "find your brains" talk.
I hope I've pissed you off. I hope I've pissed you off enough to make you really STOP AND THINK about the stupid [censored] you've been doing.
Damn....
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
IT IS a good thing that has been at times used badly for the wrong purposes against good people.
Jack,
I can't disagree with you. And it is very unfortunate that laws like that NEED to be in place and that the people who do take advantage of them usually are not the people they were intended to protect.
Blanket statements about that particular subject really get under my skin. Sorry Kerry:)
Last edited by cat04; 03/23/1009:54 PM.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I am now listening to my L. W could not get a restraining order since she herself has said that I did not touch her.
I have instructed my L to file for a LS. I told W today so that she was aware. She said I thought you said that you would not file for a divorce. I said yes I did say I would not file for a divorce and I am not. I am filing for a legal separation. I told her that as I promised I would pay down as much of the debt as possible, which is what I did. She pointed out that I paid more of my debt then hers. I reminded her that most of it is in my name and that earlier in the year i had already paid off 2 of her cards.
I asked her if she wanted to work on this and she said no. That she is done and she tried.
I too am done. I do love her but the fact that she is with someone else, wants to come and play nice W was just a little too much for me. Everything that she has done has been for her - now I really need to do for me. I am trying to do this as nice as possible and hope that it does not get ugly.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
If your M has any chance now, it will be because of a desire on her part to change the direction.
You should just continue to play nice, but also to not be pushover. Any conversations with you W should be about the kids only and not how it relates to the LS. Let the L's deal with the tricky details.
I wish it would not have come to this for you. The sad thing is this stuff happens all too often.
Eric - I know that this is not really what you wanted. Your response to anything your W says or does is to "stay the course" from this point on. Do not engage and only respond when it is safe. You helped me over the course of this week and I am praying for you my friend. Take Care.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Eric, you are getting some sound advice. I would just say again: Avoid any relationship talks, and if she tries to drag you into it, don't let her. As long as she is with someone else you can't win. Watch from a safe distance what happens. Sometimes these affairs have to play-out before the WS wakes up.
Be strong
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
