About Ready To Throw In The Towel

[acsnow]

The last few weeks have been really hard. Ever since my D basketball season ended have had very limited contact with W. W is so emotionally gone. When ever we are around one another with other people she doesn't even hardly ackknowledge I am there. I try to initiate some sort of conversation but she will just start talking with somebody else. Not sure what to do anymore. It almost as if I was dead.

This weekend I was invited to my nieces birthday party by my W brother and sil. This will be the first family function that we have been together in 7 months. I am not really sure how I should interact with her. Do I somewhat ignore her, or just carry on like we are still married? Even though technically we are. (No papers filed yet)This will be an awkward day I sure for both of us. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Even though I don't want divorce there are days that I just want to give up.

[trytryagain]

acsnow-

i understand that feeling! i do NOT want a divorce, but after several months of the back and forth and flip flopping from my H on what he wants, i'm exhausted. i almost want to call him sometimes and just say, file the papers already! how do you keep this up? i think it depends on how badly you want your M to work.

i've been living apart from my H for only 2 months and we have no papers filed yet, either. but now i'm getting a vibe from him that he wants to "legalize" the separation so we can move on and start healing. when he said that to me i wanted to explode. my H isn't emotionally gone, like your W is, but one day he seems hopeful and optimistic and the next he seems to think it's just too much work and we're just beyond repair.

i haven't attended any family functions with my H since we separated. he has 2 younger sisters (age 13 and 14) and we have a young niece and nephew, and we've both agreed we don't want to confuse anyone in the family by making them think we are together when we're not. like you, we are technically married, but everyone knows our situation.

how comfortable are you with going to the part in the first place? if you think it would be that awkward, why not send your daughters with a gift and a note from you...i just missed my nephew's 3rd birthday party - but i wasn't invited. my SIL never reached out to ask me because i guess she just assumed it would be too awkward. i sent him a card with some stickers in it and texted my SIL on his bday and said i was thinking about them. she seemed pleased that i remembered.

you can skip the party without feeling like you've given up. maybe your absence would make your W realize that family events just aren't the same without you...

[acsnow]

I need to go to nieces bday party not only for my niece but for me. I get along fine with in laws. They have told me that what ever happens between W and me, I am still part of the family. You are still there uncle. They don't understand why shes doing what shes doing.

I think after this weekend I am going dark. I have had contact with W couple times a week since being seperated. That was because of D playing sports. Thats all over now so maybe by going dark for awhile maybe she will begin to miss me. It is about the only thing I have not tried yet.

[acsnow]

I suppose every day that goes by and no papers filed is a victory. I did tell W back in December that if she wanted a divorce to go file the paper work. And to do it fairly soon. Told her that I can't keep living in limbo. She said ok. Guess I was calling her bluff. Nothing yet.

[acsnow]

Well I was finally served papers today. Got a txt from W tonite stating that she had papers for me. I stopped at house to pick them up. W ment me at the door, signed the acceptance of service copy and handed back to her. W was not angry. Very corgal. She was very quiet and withdrawn. Look kind of depressed. She stated that I had so many days to respond. I just said ok and left. I was pretty withdrawn and quiet my self.

I am sad but in away I am sort of relieved. I was really getting tired of being in limbo. Now I know what direction our marriage is finally going. Still don't quite understand why she wants this, probably will never fully understand. I do love her very much. She does have alot of issues with herself that she is still trying to work through. I know that I take ownership in this as well. It does take two.

When this day came I thought I would be a wreck. I am actually doing pretty good. No crying yet. Maybe later. I had bought W mothers day card. Nothing mushy. Just stating how wonderful of a mom she is. We have had very little comunication lately. Sort of wanted to test the waters. Maybe I won't send the card now.

[Steve McQueen]

"I need to be very patient"

be eager!

Start living your life like there is no tomorrow. The point at which you become the most incredible, wonderful, amazing, beautiful person in the world there is no more bad history just a fascinating present.

[acsnow]

^^^^

[beingreal]

No advice, I kinda suck at this. lol

Just hang in there--I hear it's better on the other side.

Oh, and I totally agree with Steve.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm sorry, ACS. This was why I was trying to get you to take a stronger stand, so at least if you were gonna go down, you'd go down calling some of your own shots. I know I busted your ballz pretty good, but we were only trying to help you.

Hang in there -- it'll get better.

Puppy

[acsnow]

I don't believe it would of mattered who moved out of the house. W has just so many emotional issues. She just keeps searching for what it is that is going to make her happy in life. We can go our whole life and never truely find happiness. Happiness has to come within. She has been searching for that for almost 5 years. Still has not found it. She says "I need to be happy with myself before I can have any relationships".

Puppy you are right you were tough on me but I deserved it. Thanks you all for all of your support. I am not ready to give up yet. Its only a piece of paper. I have come along ways from when this all started. I am a better person. She will realize someday what she is giving up. I will enjoy this moment of my life. When you look at big picture this is nothing. I read about all the other sitches on this board and I think I pretty fortunate. I have a big support group of family and friends. Again I appreciate all the advice and support that I have recieved. I don't post much but I do check in everyday. " LIFE IS GOOD"