It's going to be a long, hard road. I think you did just fine. Standing up for yourself and letting her know she has to work for it is just what she needs. I'm a good example of when someone just jumps right in and is willing with open arms to take the WS back. Chin up, it's still a roller coaster, but more like the intermediate one now. Not so extreme. Those chemicals she had are still in there, they take time to wane, and your hurt is so fresh, you are also volatile.
so....how do i deal with the physical touch from my W? I try the "stop" signs and all that other crap to change the "movie" in my mind, but when she touches me i almost instantly wonder if she touched OM like this....and that is all the snowball needs to start rolling down the hill.
she seems to want to reconcile, but never tells me. it is really causing havoc in my head....do i detach and see if she comes to me? sadly there is a part of me that is afraid that if i detach she will think i am ignoring or don't care if we move forward.
how lame am i....W cheats on me and i am still afraid of losing her...
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
You're not lame, we have all felt that at one time. If we didn't, we wouldn't be here trying to save our marriages, we would just say "see ya!".
I am still afraid sometimes that detaching is the wrong thing to do, but read what robx, puppy, etc have posted. It is the only thing that works! I am just getting it through my mind that it does work. It is the opposite of what you think will work, but as sandi says, "do what works".
My W will insist on kissing me good-bye or good-night but will not touch me. No hug, not even a hand on my shoulder. She will sometimes want to f***, not make love, just monkey sex. Sounds great but I miss the love and affection and touches and holding hands. Now who sounds lame?
The only times I get any relief for myself is when I GAL and detach. Detach yourself from her negative feelings for you. I am not all the way there yet, but when she is in her alien mood, I'm not dealing with my W, it is someone else that I don't know. How can someone you don't know bring you down? If a stranger walked by you on the street and started going off on you about how you looked or acted or walked and talked, you would just laugh at them and walk away. They couldn't bring you down because you don't even know them. You would carry on with your day and forget that you even ran into that person. That's what we have to do with our wives. They are not who we remember and fell in love with right now.
Try it, it can't hurt. Is what you're doing now working? Is it helping you feel better about you? No. Same here. The worst thing that can happen is nothing changes. We have to take our lives back and not be co-dependant on them. Like PDT says, embrace the suck! Not fun at all but necessary. Hang in there!
Try it, it can't hurt. Is what you're doing now working? Is it helping you feel better about you? No. Same here. The worst thing that can happen is nothing changes. We have to take our lives back and not be co-dependant on them. Like PDT says, embrace the suck! Not fun at all but necessary. Hang in there!
Got to love Puppy - time to imbrace the suck!
we did f*** for first time in 6 months shortly after i found out...no affection, just as you say monkey sex. sadly had visions of OM with her while doing it....whenever she puts a hand on my chest in bed or scratches my back as i toss and turn trying to sleep, the thought of DID SHE DO THIS FOR HIM....ALWAYS pops into my head...
get out of my head!!!!
The suck really likes to embrace me doesn't it...lol
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Oh, yeah, the suck likes to grab you in a great big bear hug and try to squeeze the life out of you. All we can do is squeeze back and survive this one day, hour, and minute at a time.
time....that is something i will need, just wish my W would realize that.
Right now the Suck has the upper hand....it knows how to get in my head no matter how i fight the it, the Suck wraps its long arms around me any chance i show a weakness in my armor.
damn you Suck!
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Try it, it can't hurt. Is what you're doing now working? Is it helping you feel better about you? No. Same here. The worst thing that can happen is nothing changes. We have to take our lives back and not be co-dependant on them. Like PDT says, embrace the suck! Not fun at all but necessary. Hang in there!
Got to love Puppy - time to imbrace the suck!
that wasn't me, but it sure does fit most of the time!
