Holy Crap! Didn't expect THIS!

[Trixi]

Oh, believe me, when he laughed I just gave him the stare down of "it's not funny."

He saw his parents Monday night. Last night I asked how it went. He was pointedly vague on what they said about our situation. Which lead to him talking about just how confused he is; how we always end up with him questioning what to do. That he wants to "jump out of his skin and run away". That he wants to feel 100% sure.

He asked why I forgive him- how do I know it will work out- why do I think he sabotages things?
My answer was that I forgive because we are a family and despite his bad decisions, I don't think he is inherently 'bad'. I explained that I keep seeing him chasing after filling the "void" in him and I had hoped that after we got thru this time period, that he would see what love is. (Part of this is the love of God.) I said I knew it would work out if he would put the same amount of energy into making it work that he has to try to "get away". That God would bless us if we made the right decision despite the feelings.That the feelings would follow. He was entranced by all this (ie, head resting on his hands like a kid watching tv on the floor) and at one point I stopped and he said "keep going- tell me everything you're feeling". I said I thought he sabotaged things because he was afraid of intimacy and that he had fallen into a bad habit of always doing what he wants, when he wants, how he wants and that being a true partner meant giving that up.

He said that what I told him made him feel a lot less confused. But... based on past results, I assume this "feeling" will not last and he will go back to his default position of 'on the fence'. And, at this point "on the fence" means divorce for him. He thinks he may be sabotaged us so many times that it is now broken beyond repair.

Unfortunately, he is someone that doesn't hold himself to keeping his word. I guess I should read the writing on the wall. We have family counseling for DD at the end of the month. And my landlord wants to list the house. I have 2 cash buyers that are hot to buy; a contingent buyer who is hot to buy; and some other things in the pipeline, so I do have income coming (theoretically)....

I am thinking that I will give him til April 2nd to either commit or we are filing and I will buy this house....but even if he did commit on April 2nd, how would I know he wouldn't flake out on April 3rd (or 4th, or 5th, and so on?)