How would you piece this?

[addie]

I would be VERY careful with what your H has proposed. It seems that he is definitely not out of the fog. He is still living with OW and is wanting to know that you will take him back in a couple of months when their lease has expired??? He is still very much in the midst of his MLC (or whatever it is you want to call it). When we were S, my H suggested returning because of financial reasons. At that point, he was still seeing OW and I did not accept his offer. Piecing is very difficult. The reason your H has given you for wanting to return does not make it sound that he has really reflected on the things he did and has worked through his issues. You only want him back if he has had time to work through some of his issues (without OW in the picture) otherwise you'll find yourself back here in the same situation in no time.

[Mystik]

Thanks Addie, that's what I am thinking, too. Part of his motivation to jump right back in with a 3 bedroom is definitely financial. So I think I'm going to talk to him about some ideas on how to ease that financial strain of two separate places and see where it goes.

[Mystik]

Talked with H a bit more about the R. I am feeling more secure in the idea that it's more than just financial reasons that he wants to reconcile. But it is financial reasons why he prefers to do it in a 3 bedroom place instead of in two separate places.

Bumping this thread up to ask if anyone has experience piecing while living together with separate bedrooms. How'd it work for you?

[dday101798]

Mystik, honey, I hope you woke up this morning and had a BIG azz cup of coffee and rethought this thing through.

There is no way in the world you can take any talk of him wanting to reconcille seriously while still with the OP, PERIOD. My (x)W did the same, and each time, while still with OM, my answer was "I don't think so, I refuse to be 'freinds' with my W/(x)W and work towards something better while she is with someone else".

As already said, piecing is HARD. I didn't eve see anywhere here: do you forgive him yet? Do forgive and accept his A and what he's done to you, your son and family as a whole?

I'm sorry, he may be 'serious', my (x)W was too. But it would have NEVER worked for us before, not like that. Even now, I forgive, I accept, I love her with all my heart as does she me, but it ain't easy. I still question, I still have insecurity.

Now, that is just the part between US.

What about the 3rd person in this equation, and I don't mean OW, I mean your son.

How are you going to explain this proposed living arragement? More importantly, how are you going to handle damage control in the event that this arrangement is just a convenience factor for your XH?

And since I say convenience factor, I feel that should be thought about just as much as your son. It's better for him financially to share a 3 bedroom versus seperate lving? As I told my (x)W in her teater-totter days, that's just tuff, becase that's what you wanted when you left me, seperate living, permanently!