Still, my main question remains. Does family goes before or after my W calls me to cut my b*lls for exposing her affair to OM W ?
I've always advocated -- and did, personally, in my own sitch -- exposing to family AFTER confronting the cheating spouse. But Allen A over in the Infidelity forum had a good point about doing it the other way around. He said that you expose to your wife's family FIRST, and tell them you HAVE EVIDENCE (and will show it to them if they wish), and of course you'd never be telling them this horrible news if you didn't. You add further that "Wife is probably going to lie to you about this, which is almost more unfortunate than the cheating, but from what I've learned it's pretty typical in these situations. I respect you far too much to ever do that, and I WILL NEVER LIE TO YOU, you have my word on that."
Or something similar.
Then, when -- sure as shootin' -- the wife lies to her parents and siblings about it, your hand is strengthened from there on out with her family: you told them the truth. But either way works, and I agree with Gno on this -- you need to stop dithering and JUST DO THIS.
