Validate - her feelings "I feel like you didn't listen to me." "I understand how you can see things that way."
Call out BS - facts, values
"You never listened to me."
"I can understand there are times I failed to listen. To characterise it as never is not true and I will not let you position me that way. I have listened and helped you on numerous occasions, (give examples.....)"
Don't let her tell you that you never or always act a certain way. Don't let her tell you how you feel or think.
Validate her but stand up for yourself.
This is why I love you coach...in a friendly kind of way...lol
It wasn't until I actually detached and saw I had nothing to lose that I really started to stand up to her cr@p. I can't explain the unbelievably positive feeling it gave me but I can say I was finally free inside. It was in me the whole time and I was just holding it back - holding back the power that follows and expression of yourself. I let it loose, and instead of it being destructive, it rebuilt me.
I could be me and not worry about anything. No eggshells. If I didn't agree, I said that. If I thought I was being abused I drew a boundary.
Just last week W and I had a disagreement. She was trying to tell me I didn't remember an episode with my S (she wasn't even there), I disagreed and she rolled her eyes.
The kids were there so I couldn't say what I wanted at that time. We parted ways and she had the kids. A very short time later I texted her:
"I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell me I don't remember something when I know for a fact I do remember. Also, please don't roll your eyes at me when we disagree - it's very disrespectful.
I'm drawing boundaries and standing up for myself. I'm not going to be disrespected or abused and take it.
Does she respect me for taking a stand. Who knows..the point is I don't care if she does or not. I respect myself. And that's the whole point of where I'm at - I don't need her validation or the validation of others. I can finally self-validate. I believe a woman will find that very attractive. (It's not that I don't care about other people's opinions, but the bottom line is I will decide where I am)
She had pulled the never and always cr@p. That's one of the few things I'd call her on when it happened.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
