She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

Yes it is touchy I think.

For some reason I just had the thought. I wish I had said this to my W in the beginning:

"You know, I understand you're very angry and confused. We both made mistakes in this marriage and that put us in the position we are in now. I'm taking responsibility for the mistakes I've made and am working very hard at becoming the man I really wanted to be - not the man I ended up being.

I know you need time and space to think about what you want to do. I know I don't want a divorce and I prefer we work through our issues and build a fantastic relationship.

While you take the time and space you need to decide, I will be moving forward improving myself and my life. Now if you'd excuse me, I have a life to live."

And then leave it at that. I would have allowed her to tell me all her complaints one time without me walking away - not over and over and over again. (I'd have to think about this one)

The point is, I wish I had:

1. Agreed I had mistakes and included her in the mistake making by using the word we in we made mistakes
2. Acknowledged the mistakes (one time) and worked on them
3. Let her know I wasn't a doormat to be beat up over and over with the same complaints about the past.
4. Shown her I wanted to save my M but I was also moving forward with my life. Not moving on, but moving forward.
5. Not gotten sucked in emotionally to any of our conversations - have the ability to calmly in a very balanced way communicate with her.


tbart I know it's very confusing and you'll sometimes get opposite viewpoints. In hindsight I wish I had played things differently. I'm not so sure I agree with the constant validate and be nice theory - I accept it as something good when they first rain down hell, but after that it's just her complaining over and over again - basically continually smashing you in the head with a frying pan.

Not very sexy or attractive to a woman if a man allows themselves to be a doormat.