How do I expose the affair

[Heartbroken]

Hello,

I have never posted to you but have been following your sitch. I did bust my divorce but it took a while. He wanted to file from the beginning - in fact his OW filed and was divorced in 6 mos flat b/c she thought she had him.

Ask him to wait to file - if he is so sure that's the correct way how can three or six months matter. I told this to my H - I asked him to move into an apt and we truly lived as if separated. I needed to give him a taste of single life and what it would do to our kids. The kids HATED the apt, did not want to go but we made them. He is a great dad and it was really hard on him to tuck them in only part time.

His OW was so pressuring him to file that she ultimately hung herself. When he did file he found he still had the pain - their pain is NOT us - it is having to live with what they know is morally against their core, against what they are made up of.

So take the high road - focus on making yourself ALL THAT YOU CAN BE! Let him try the part time dad thing.

I was always compassionate to him in the 18 mos he was being a dumba** (we still use this term). It was not until I dropped the rope and really started preparing my life without him that he started coming around. Let the OW pressure him - and she will.

My argument was we have been married 16 yrs and you want me to throw it all away in 6 mos - if it's truly meant to happen than how can waiting X amount of months really make that big of a difference.

Start focusing on YOU and making your life the best it can be - with or without him! You cannot control him or his drama (we used to call it the VORTEX)...You can control your life and your goals!

HB- not so much anymore