The Good Soil Of Love

[Concerned_Listener]

DB Friends,
My W has resumed her spending the night with her dance friend, at a pace of about weekly. She is transparent about where she is going, and who she is with. It is frustrating to me, given the increased connection these past several months.

Whenever I post about this behavior, I get a response advocating a zero tolerance approach, and that I should "drop the atom bomb" on the M, and give her an ultimatum. It's easy advice to give, when I'm the one who has to unbalance my life.

She seems intent on helping this person. He is recently D, and has not been adapting well. He has virtually no assets, spends a great deal of time in bed with depression, and doesn't seem to be moving forward to begin rebuilding his life, unti recently. He is pursuing a relationship with a Puerto Rican woman from out-of-state. My W hires him for small jobs to help supplement his unemployment checks.

My W has talked about wanting to be of service to others, and that she regrets not doing so more in her life. I bring her home volunteer opportunities that my church is doing, with the hope that she would get involved with something constructive.

I was at my ballroom venue last night, and a lady asked if the lady I was with was my W. I thought the question was a bit forward, but I found myself reluctant to admit that it was. I kept silent, and she revised the question to ask if it was a significant other, to which I reluctantly shook my head yes. My R with my W is becoming more public in the dance community.

She asked if my W had a good time there. I told her that she was new to the ballroom community. She offered to help network my W to other men (which I may take her up on at some point).

Piecing is difficult with its increased connection, yet remnants of the past. I'm reading the various Christian mystics looking for wise words to help me clear my mind of rumination and practice contemplation so that I can be receptive to either the presence of God or cultivating a pure heart.

My W says that I can be passive-aggressive. She is correct in that it has been a pattern of mine. I want to break the pattern. The first step is to wrestle with the difficult emotions and internal reactions.

CL