mrbt, I hope you got some sushi tonight--because I didn't!!
I arrived at the sushi place at the appointed time, and H was still sitting in his car, waiting. He waved me over, so I walked over and got in. H and I sat in his car for 2 1/2 hours and talked. Needless to say, we never ate any sushi. Right off the bat, he told me that he is seeing a lawyer on Thursday to see what his options are. Options for what, you ask? He says he's going because he doesn't know what to do and wants to know some options.
Here are some reasons to visit a lawyer (according to him):
*I don't want to be around him *I have never needed him *I think he makes me unhappy *I acted happy the last time we had dinner, and he was really, really sad (yes, this came up AGAIN) *I don't need to worry that he wants anything. It all belongs to me, anyway.
We talked and cried--both of us. He said he wants to see me more but hasn't come around because he doesn't think I want to see him and that it would be easier for me if he didn't come around. [None of these things has ever come out of my mouth.]
I also got this: "I thought about things and decided that I hadn't been happy for a while. Then I thought about whether I could ever be happy there again. And I decided I didn't think I could." Translation: D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N.
However, he told me multiple times that he loves me (not past tense--present tense) and that he worries about me every day (my health, my safety). During most of the discussion, he had his hand on me (my shoulder, my knee, my hand) and hugged me several times. He told me over and over how sorry he was for making me sad and that it's all his fault that I'm sad.
He asked if he should come over this weekend. He has also suggested that we go to dinner one night next week. Curioser and curioser. [You literary types should like that reference.]
As we were parting, he once again mentioned his great sadness (which he mentioned multiple times during our discussion), and he mentioned being emotionally overwhelmed. At one point, he had also mentioned that he worried that I hated him or was going to hate him in the future.
This is SOOOOO confusing! Not that it wasn't before, I guess. I don't know what to make of this evening. And H? He's all over the map.
My thought is this: If you love someone, if you're sad about your marriage troubles, if you miss this person, and if you want to see them more than you currently see them, then you don't get a divorce. I know I've greatly simplified this, but does this not make sense???
