Question

[awest1217]

Exactly...I am being fair, not trying to take all him money or not let him see S. So far this solemn assembly is killing me because I think a lot about last year at this time and well...not the best. Last year is when H left (the week right after this) and I keep remembering my grandpa's funeral and so much more. It is really making me angry that after a year he still hasn't changed one bit.

H is still texting me and saying "hi" "hope things are going well" "love u". Nothing asking a question or trying to start a conversation. I feel they are guilt texts. I text H only because of S and that is it. S woke up this morning at 4 am with a hacking, wheezing cough so I took off of work. Doctor said S doesn't have anything majorly wrong. Virus and croupe so he is on a steroid to open his airways. H said he was glad to get all the update texts, but still nothing of substance from him and with the memories picking up and old feelings coming to the surface...I am getting more and more angry with him. I definitely need to work on those.

I am also reading many people's sitches and I think at times I am giving in too soon, but at the same time why should I keep my life on hold and live in limbo. I am very different than I was a year ago and I don't need to keep being treated horribly and never knowing when H is going to pop out of his hole to be a father or husband. I also read how people talk about their spouses and I see myself in some of the WAS. I was the one who was outgoing until H whined that I didn't see him enough so by the time we were in college he wanted to be more "outgoing" although he was still introverted, but it makes all the people he talks to now say that I was always controlling and always not allowing him to have fun, but he did that to me first. Now I am the one having fun and I hang out with many different people, but he only hangs out with OW. Sorry reading other people's posts and seeing myself in them has made me feel weird.

Off to get more sleep. S and I took a 3 hour nap and now some more sleep.