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Is there a trusted friend or family member that you have call OM's house tonite, from a payphone (or a spoofed cellphone #), and pretend to be a telemarketer or something, and see if OM is at home?

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Allen and Puppy thanks for your input and ideas.

Eating isn't a problem in fact I have to watch the opposite. I'm normally quite healthy but stress tends to lead to bigger meals for me. Good catch so I'll watch that.

Allen I've got a list of symptoms in my mind over the last week or so but not sure how to read most of them. W did call d tonight. I took her out after school to an indoor play area and saw her number on my cell which I then switched off. Once we got home she called from the hotel but I didn't speak to her. So symptoms;

1. She usually talks to me after d didn't tonight
2. She was nicer than usual this past weekend, I didn't say much to her but she kept my d quiet while I slept in and rubbed my shoulders briefly (10 sec)
3. Sunday took her car when she usually takes the train but as she walked out she says 'I'm getting a ride'
4. Saturday after I put my d to bed and changed she says I'm going out, since you aren't (lately I've been GAL)

There are lots more from the past 7 months so let me know what else will help.

As an aside I had my first IC session today and I was not happy. When this first happened I went to IC and worked through some control issues. I swear this guy had the notes (both through the company). He would not stop asking me about the circle of me questioning w. I had to tell him - I haven't asked her a single thing about her life in 6 months - is that controlling?


M 40
W 39
D 4
M 5 years
Bomb dropped 08/09
In house separation
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Puppy

OM only has a cell and at this point I have told no one about this. Not sure why I think I read that advice somewhere. Something about not having others see w negatively. This was of course before I thought EA was happening.


M 40
W 39
D 4
M 5 years
Bomb dropped 08/09
In house separation
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New symptom;

FB status no longer says m to BWP


M 40
W 39
D 4
M 5 years
Bomb dropped 08/09
In house separation
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sorry to hear, that happened to me too...then wedding pics came down, then single, then in R w/ OM...this won't nec happen to you.

Keep whatever intel you have to yourself...choose allies carefully...
One thing I lerned from my sitch is have home be as stress free as possible...I was gaslighted and made a fool at my home by being too emptional and confrontational...I'll re-rad your sitch but what happened to me is W rallied her friends first, copped feelings for Om1, dropped the bomb on me, then watched me FREAK OUT...while she claimed to be "working in things"- she lied, lied, lied- the more I confronted, the more she denied, the more she told her friends and mother that I was stresseing her out and is crazy- then the more they told her to leave...

I had the pleasure of knowing that as W moved out, OM helped she and MIL move in to their new place...I am a leper- I am the culprit- W comes out looking and smelling like roses- and her friends dance around her!!!

So- don't do what I did- expect to be lied to and gaslighted- do not feed into it...

You're in good hands here, and as long as W is at your place, you stand a really good chance...just remember if you get heated, she'll use it against you to justify her cause to EVERYONE- regardless of her one sided story.


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Thanks jasper, I'm cool like an icebox - no anger, no controlling...

However, I do not want to sit idly by while w has EA or PA with OM. I'm sharing all I can to get all the insight from all the fine ppl here.

I've read DB and DR and have 'Not Just Friends' on its way here in overnight post.

One thing I keep reading here is that with solid intel 'outing' is the way to go to help put an end to EA. Not so?


M 40
W 39
D 4
M 5 years
Bomb dropped 08/09
In house separation
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those books are great did you read N.U.T.s yet...another good one and super fast read...I read all these books a few months too late- post bomb and post planning stages...

Stay icebox cool, that will help you more than anything...Allen and Pup are the ones to speak to about exposue...get all the intel you can and dont tell A SOUL for now


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Exposure is pretty hollow if you don't have any hard evidence.

When you do expose to friends and family you will really find out who your friends are... But if you have NO PROOF when you talk to them about your W you won't get much support. People love to sit on the fence while these things happen. If you can't prove to them your wife is cheating, she will deny it and they won't want to help you.

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jasper - I'll get N.U.T.s as well. W is out of town this week (supposed to be working) so my d and I will take a trip to our book store - it doesn't have these titles in stock typically that's why I've ordered online.

Allen that is my dilemma at the moment no hard proof. Cell phone bills with OM calling 20 x a month.

I have a question - do you expose (with proof) both an EA and/or a PA? Just imagining that not everyone in our mixed up world sees a problem with pouring your heart out to OM and hanging out with him at bars, taking my d to his house to visit etc.


M 40
W 39
D 4
M 5 years
Bomb dropped 08/09
In house separation
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tread carefully, get everything you can...notate downward spiral of the M...like lack of affection, her moods following calls, prior to calls, if there are no calls, etc, etc...you will definately want to expose...Allen will have advice on the method...everything should be done w/ the protection of the M in mind...btw the book is called Hold on to your N.U.T.s


DARK
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