I am having a hard time believing he is done, emotionally with her. Knowking he loved her so much, breaks my heart every time I think of it. That's why I am constantly feeling as if I am the one HE setlles with. Just like he is the one I settle for... You see, feelings, for me as well, dont die overnight, and right now I am practising LOVE IS A DECISION as well
Maria... my friend..you are not a fool, you are loyal and clever and romantic and maybe an idealist and he is lucky to have you. But its time to apply some logic here my dear!!
... he finished with HER. HE finished with HER. HE FINISHED WITH HER??
Therefore...
Even IF he did love her, or feel in love/infatuation type feelings for her at the time, or for the first year or two.. he can not really have loved her. We know this is true, becuase he finished with her.
Therefore, that is NOT love. She is not "the one that got away", HE left HER. True love never dies (you know this, right?). His 'love' did, because he finished with her.
She didnt want it to end, she begged, manipulated, pressured...we know all this because you read the emails, so we do know that he had her on a plate, gift wrapped, with a lifetime gaurantee right up until the end.. but he chose to leave her, so clearly, he didnt love her else he would have stayed. He didnt stay, he finished with her.
.. he has even TOLD YOU HIMSELF that he didnt love HER, he loved the SITUATION. You know that this is "textbook" and exactly what Jody said to me about bf and Helen. He has confirmed it was "new, different, exciting", that he didnt feel listened to or happy in our R, but instead of talking to me he left and felt justified in starting a new R..and at first he was happy, but then he changed his mind. Because men are just like that Maria. They compartmentalise, they are visual, they think with their balls, how else an I put it? Women are said to "endure" because genetically we had to stick around to raise babies. Men, not so much, they can split.
He told you himself HE DIDNT LOVE HER. I said to you before, he doesnt open up much, so when he does, you need to take it on face value that how he says he feels/felt IS HOW HE FEELS. And not reject it?
Lastly, maybe you are just projecting when you insist he has "settled" because thats what you feel you may have done? I dont see that.. he had a choice. He already left you. Then he left her. He didnt have to come back to you. He came back because he wanted to. Becuase he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Thats the impression I get.
As for no sex.. ok, that is wierd right!! There is no real explanation. WHY DONT YOU ASK HIM???? We can offer ideas here, but its all conjecture. Only he knows why its now March and he still has shown no interest in ML to you.
I hope some of what I said helps. If only that you print off the words HE FINISHED WITH HER and stick it in your handbag to read often !! Why dont you do yourself a favour and believe in yourself. He CHOSE you. Noone held a gun to his head and told him to come back. Why not accept what the universe gave you (what you wished for)??
xxx PS: I am up late looking for wedding dresses, I want one in cotton but they are all yukky and shiny.. not one shop has one dress in cotton!! They are only available in NYC !
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
