but I'm just sayin.... nothing has felt different for 8 months. it was like a switch that went off.
I NEVER had that kindof relationship with my wife. texting all day long. hell I never had the time to... all day long.... every day. for months. she says it was just "banter".
Was not trying to ignore you. Haven't had internet for almost 10 days. Doing this from my blackberry is time consuming and makes me realize that my eyes are finally getting old. UGGH.
On top of that I have been dealing with some stuff. One of my clients has had two surgeries in one week and been in the icu with aspiration pneumonia. A friend has a serious illness in the family which brought me to a place of remembering going through it myself with a family member, and I have a MLCer who is jumping stages again living in my house. Plus an actual teenage boy who wears too much Axe and has girls calling and texting all the time. So.....
I will be back in the land of the living with internet this afternoon and will respond to your message then.
In the meantime, great vent, good that you did it here instead of telling her. Believe me, the time will come when you get to tell her your feelings. Hopefully by then, you won't be so angry and you may even find that all you think you want to say, is not what comes out of your mouth.
I hope you have a good day.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I'm not doing so well today. went up to W-town yesterday to meet with new MC. He is very good. on way up w didn't answer my phone call in the morning for a while, prompting my paranoia, prompting R talk, talk about 0M on way up, she saying "I give, I give..you can have what you want". not good.
at MC I felt like I needed to really say what was on my mind about OM, about the lying, about trust. at the end he said that it is up to me if I want to believe her or not. but if I don't then I will be doing us all a favor by ending it. wow. this is true. I have a big hangup with OM, with the lies, with trust.
so I'm not STFing well. I'm not doing a good job.
today I came back to my town. have talked to w a lot (she called). we've had some nice talks, some laughs.
I really think that I closed her right back up. I think we have backtracked. I think I keep shooting myself in the foot.
she continues to deny there is anything there with OM.
I told her today I'd stop talking about it. that I would believe her. that I will stop the negativity in her life.
last night I did get to see my boys though and that was awesome.
so I am very frustrated with myself. I was doing well there. but I felt like if we were really going to get something out of the MC I needed to get those things out in the open, as I think they are major obstacles-- that we need to be able to rebuild trust. again, she is the one who scheduled the MC appt. but I am still all about me, about my impatience.
tentative moving date is next friday. I really feel like there is a chance if I get up there, we can start co-parenting, spending some time together... I can chill out, give her the unconditional love that she needs and wants, that we may have a shot.
but again, it is so hard because I keep shooting my feet off.
