Some very interesting reading to say the least...I have often noticed that the "advice" or opinions we share here have alot to do with our experiences and probably more about where we are in our relationships or life. For example a person like Ali who is in piecing and planning her wedding will have a different outlook than lets say Kerry for instance. Add to that the male and female differences and perhaps some geographic or cultural or religious differences and you get a veritable pot pouri of opinions. Having said all this and quite honestly I probably did not need all this preamble, I have often shared opinions with Maria and what I find to be an interesting excercise is to put myself in her shoes (or try). Because, you see once upon a time my XW came back to me for another attempt. In retrospect, I made it too easy on her to come back. Would things be different today if I had put my foot down and demanded certain things? Who knows....what I do know is that I could not continue to accept what I was being dealt and decided to walk. I admire those who stick around .... for whatever reason....and try not to judge. My "private" communications with Maria have diminished probably because I am redundant, probably because what I say hurts, probably because I am not as tactful as many others. That is ok... You see, my opinions of the male perspective are much like Bill's. <<A man who will not be physically intimate with the woman he claims to love is not being truthful>>. I believe this to be true as well. I have not read books or listened to tapes on the topic...this to me is the litmus test of where a man is mentally in his relationship. I have a hunch that it is probably the same for a woman. If a woman has no passion or desire to make love to her man, then something is not right. <<Sex is an issue. I have very limited desire for it as well, when I do feels ome desire it is because of my hormones... Why is that since I am the one fighting for this M with all I got? Am I cheating on him?>> You are not and maybe he is not either...one thing seems clear to me your hearts are not into it 100%. Part of yours is elsewhere and I suspect part of his is as well. He had a three year "thing" with her and you had your own "thing"....why do we assume that both OW and OM are out of your systems? I shake my head when I read that SHE meant nothing to him....put yourself in his shoes. Did he mean nothing to you? <<I am even unfair to what I felt and call it infatuation >> It pains me to say this and I write it against my better judgement...I think both parties are on a holding pattern just waiting to see if an event, a conversation or even a look will get them back to where they were 3 years ago. Maybe that is the secret to piecing....just circling around until we get clearance from traffic control.
