H - 40
M - 37
T - 9Y
M - 4Y
no kids - thank goodness.

i have been told many things by different counsellors.
could be MLC
codependency on my part
of things he has said/done - a lot of projection.
personality type - passive aggressive, even bipolar

when d-bomb suggested (not dropped), i begged, cried, pleaded for mc-ing.
that lasted two days.
during this intial period, it was like h became a different person and i had this need to save him from an evil force.
gave h space to think and during that time, consulted with his M&D everyday.
M&D fed the frenzy and poof. d-bomb finally dropped.
picked myself up and decided to go along with his decision.
so far, i have not shed a tear.
slowly i stopped caring.
started an exercise program to get in shape.
started reconnecting with friends and family.
during a discussion, h was feeling down and i was feeling good.
it seemed to have angered h.
h began pushing for legal action and moving on with the d.
h knows how much it would hurt me to talk about d
and maybe brought it up because i started feeling good and had a smile on my face. he just had to put an end to the happyness.

i realize that i am not responsible for this or h's happiness.
maybe that's why there are no tears.

i have my up days and my down days.
much weight has been shed. in fact maybe too much weight.
but i love the way i look now.
i love getting all prettied up and looking at myself in the mirror.
i admit i let myself go in the months leading up to the d-bomb but frumpy me no more.
it's like i have this single ladies mentality that i want to look attractive for my age.
i know still married. but that doesn't seem to stop people from coming up to me. and i love the attention.

i think h is physically attracted to me.
caught h looking at me a few times.
but i need to do some self-reflection and bring back the person who he fell in love with.
i haven't been that person in while.

i need to stop here.
this thread is not in the appropriate forum and i dont want to break any rules.

yes, i need the support.
i cannot afford ongoing counselling.
the forums are my alternative.

dumped.