Talia's New Home

[talia]

Its been such a tough few days! I have several interviews lined up - so at least the job thing dosen't seem TOO bleak. I just can't afford down time right now so I'm hoping that I get something by Fri.

The BIG frusteration... H... again. He finally realized that I was actually going to hold him to my email in Feb about what I will/won't be contributing to "our" bills until he files. He has officially FREAKED out. He finally hired a L - which is good. L is telling him lots of stuff about "how" this will be for me, how a judge will be so pi$$ed at me for making him pay for the bills, etc. He can't differentiate between what his obligations are NOW, while we are still married, and what things will be AFTER a divorce is final. He wants it all that way now - RIGHT NOW. He is so short sighted and stupid. I don't understand how I married that person - UGH. At the same time I am just horribly upset at all this - I'm sure its the combo of all the stress.... but I'm in tears. HOW DID WE EVER GET TO THIS?

I'm working with L to see what my bottom line is. I figure I'll propose it to him as my only deal - if he dosen't like it we will sort it out in court. This way he can pay his attny to draft/file the paperwork and as long as it says what I want - I won't contest. It will be quick and easy for him and I don't have the expense of the paperwork.

I keep telling myself that I am better off and that I did ALL I could.. but in the end this is SO NOT what I want. I don't want to stay married to that man but I don't want to be divorced either. This whole thing just royally sucks.

At least if this is over soon I will be free to have new relationships and start over. Its time for me to move on with my life.

I don't know why the finality of this is so hard on me today....


T