flowmom | need to commit to myself

[flowmom]

Well I just had a long talk with Dr. Gno and he invited me to share our conversation. Thank you Gnosis .

LBWs, read carefully and figure out if his advice to me is something that you want to try as well (cause he says that his advice is always the same ).

I've been sticking to a "dim" DB script and not taking any risks (chicken!!). But after almost 3 mo of separation, things have basically stalled.

It's time for some 180s, some of which look a bit pursuey. Gnosis suggests trying things and monitoring, but being totally prepared for rejection.

Tweaks to my plan:

1. Work on overcoming fear

2. Try working the 5 LLs for one month.
- words of affirmation: for example "you're a great dad because you ..."; "i how you've set up your apartment because..." ... he needs to feel appreciated/respected, like I'm his hero
- gifts: small, casual things (example - give him the cookbook that he asked for for xmas)
- quality time: example - follow up on his invitation to visit his apt.
- acts of service: example - offer him leftovers
- physical touch: example - lightly touch scratch/bruise and ask him about it

3. Stop being mysterious:
This may be working against me. Need to try a 180 on this. H may think that I'm dating and don't care about him, and that may be pushing him further away. Start being more transparent about my GAL activities. This could help to reassure him AND see that I'm GAL.

4. If he pressures me into D talk:
answer "you know how I feel about that...I understand that you want to talk about it but I need more time to concentrate on being there for the kids"

5. When we have "the talk" about finances:
"You've made some choices, and I think I understand why"
Set a boundary "when you ask me about how the work is going, I feel pressured and it makes me subconsciously resist working. I want you to stop asking about it otherwise will take me longer to solve this" and "I understand that you're trying to get a handle on the finances and monitor how much I'm earning. I suggest that you assume that my earnings will be zero, and I'll let you know how many hours I worked at the end of the month. I have a lot to come to terms with right now. I've been dealing with the recent shocks and I need time to find my grounding." Also, ask him how I can support him (other than earning).

6. Generally be more open and friendly

7. Address the procrastination issue

8. If there is a hope for reconciliation, make him work for it