No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[Coach]

Set a goal for her to ask you out on a date.

What might work? How would you measure your progress?

[BigJake]

MrBond, I'm have a similar problem when it came to me detaching. I stayed dark for a week and she came running. Now things between us are better even though she is still moving forward with D. We are nice and get along with each other. More or less playing out the same as your sitch.

I have thought about asking her out this weekend. I asked her to have a drink with me on my b-day a couple of weeks ago, but it was late and she had to get up early. It sounded like she would have if it wasn't for that.

I say what the hell. Do it. You have 50/50 shot. I think I would go easy. Nothing romantic, keep it fun, no pressure. Like gucci says, enjoy the ride and live in the moment. If you guys are getting along and having fun that's what matters.

I was typing when coach replied. I like his idea. Get them to ask. I like that.

Jake.

[MrBond]

Coach,

Thanks for the suggestion. Now how can I go about doing that? Most of our interactions have been from me inviting her or doing something.

I would love for her to be a little more proactive. My W, as a whole, moves at a snail's pace when doing things unless it's something she really wants.

I think I need suggestions on how I can start putting the ball in her court. One thing I did was that I told her that since our D was on Spring Break, I could take Thursday off since she's off that day as well and we could do something together if she wanted to. So I left the ball in her court. I'm pretty sure she will do it, but I'm getting a little tired of doing it each time.

She hasn't mentioned D in a long time. And in our conversation over the weekend, she told me about how she went with her sister to look at Open Houses (just for the sister) and how they all looked like dives compared to our house. It was weird because she criticized our house and devalued it in her mind when she wanted out.

So her "thinking" is slowly changing. Now I'd like to see if those thoughts can be changed in to actions.

[MrBond]

Jake,

I've been reading your sitch here and there and I forgot if you still lived with your W or not.

If you do, make the most of it. In my sitch, I think we needed the physical distance apart so she could go through her thinking on her own. That's the part that's the hardest. Leaving up to them.

So detachment helped me to get over that loss of connection with her but now that I want to re-establish a little of it, I'm finding that the resentment and anger that I had stopped feeling are bubbling up to the surface now and then.

[Coach]

I would love for her to be a little more proactive. My W, as a whole, moves at a snail's pace when doing things unless it's something she really wants.

get her to really want you.

Attractiveness

Confidence

Connection

Find the spark and start a fire.

Somehow the immortal Bruce Dickinson comes to mind, "I got a fever and the only cure is more cowbell."

Be the cowbell baby.

[BigJake]

More cowbell!

I agree with Coach. That is what I have been doing. The spark may be there, but I'm not sure yet. Cool, confident, calm.

MrBond, we live apart. Not a day has gone by were she hasn't contacted me for something. The reason she is not living with me is for space. Well that and she wants a D.

[MrBond]

Blue Oyster Cult is starting to come to mind!

I think it was through pure confidence and non-threatening openness that I've been able to get her to open up so far.

I'm wondering if now is the time to pull back a bit and go dimmer to see if that spurs her into action.

Thinking....

[BigJake]

I think your on to something here.....

[sandi2]

unless it's something she really wants.

Oh, Coach beat me to it.

If she asks you out then you know she is really wanting it and that should jump your ego pretty high! I believe that you pulling back from her has aided in helping her to relax more. She doesn't feel pressure or the WAW confusion as much. I hope you will hang on, Stuck, and wait for her to ask you. Continue doing what you've been doing.

BTW, don't worry about that odd feeling of being detached b/c when you get a chance......you'll find those old feelings are still there.

[MrBond]

sandi and coach,

You're both right. I find that as things get better, the fear is what pops up the most. The fear of the other shoe waiting to drop. She is still very much in that selfish mode, so we'll see what happens when I back off a bit.

Today we're spending the day together with the kids going to a water park here that has dolphins and seals. I'll see how that goes.

This weekend she's staying at a friend's house to help with her yard sale. While I'm glad she's finally going out, she doesn't tell me who her friends are, so that also brings up the fear sometimes. It's the secrecy of the A that bothered me the most moreso than the actual act. So when I feel like she's hiding things from me, that's when I get anxious also.