The latest with me

[ImprovedRomeo]

OK here's what I'm seriously planning to say. I want her to see that things won't always be as rosy in the future:

You finally want to take a vacation! good for you! Though I feel DD's too little to be away from either one of us for 2 weeks.

The ride sounds fun, have a good time.

Thanks for letting me know about Don.

[mindfull]

Gosh, call me a witch, but, I've down this road w/my D18 when she was a toddler... That's a LONG time to be away from you, and she already has separation issues (don't take that term negatively).

Romeo, I just read some of your initial thread postings. Funny, I was going to ask if there are cultural differences, almost felt more like caste differences. Interesting.

I hate to tell you, friend, but I think you need to be a bit less "nice". You need to start LEADING. You started out your married life, as a secret, not involving, let alone, telling your family about your new bride!

I don't know, as a generalization, about women, but I know THIS woman, wouldn't find it attractive to have someone that went along w/everything I said/did.

BUT, you don't need to be argumentative, nor do you need to be a jackas$, either.

Can you offer an ulterior vacation schedule?

If you're good, I'm good, but I had to say it to feel better, since I have BEEN there!

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks mindful, I don't go along with whatever anyone says. I do try to be respectful of her feelings and needs even then she says I'm too controlling. I can never win.

Without rehashing the earlier issues have all been dealth and over with. No more 'secrets' etc - haven't been for a long time. Why do you say if there are cultural differences? I don't think there are but I'd be curious to know what you picked up on? I'll hit you up on chat later...

I don't really want to be a jerk or argumentative. In fact, I was just thinking that it probably means a lot to her to go see her family and bring DD with her even though it's hard for me.

[ImprovedRomeo]

OK I responded to her:

I'm glad to see that you're taking a vacation, good for you. However, I feel that 2 weeks will be a bit too long for DD to be away from her dad.

Thanks for letting me know about your ride plans and Don's passing.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

romeo, I'm assuming you learned the 5 love languages, and that hers is gifts?

I think if things were diff, being gone 2 weeks isn't awful, but because of her issues and because of the inconsistency of everything, I think a week is a good plan as well. Somehow you want to make it her idea, because it sounds like you used to be controlling, and even though you aren't now, she's still thinking you are.

not sure how you could accomplish that, and you've probably already sent her an email. I thought the one you wrote was alright. or even state this as something that you are feeling strongly about...

"W, that is a great idea for you to finally get a vacation. I also really appreciate you asking me how I feel about it, that is very important to me. I think you both will have a good time, but it is also important to me if you could consider scheduling for just 1 week. I would hate to not see DD for 2 whole weeks, especially how young she is and how hard it's been for us to transition her back and forth."

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks ST. She actually just replied to my email asking 'is one week ok or no?'

I want to just say yes but I might steal a few nicely worded sentences from your suggested response I like your response, I just want to keep it short, I read somewhere that their attention span is usually 3 sentences these days.

I also just realized you're from the OK state! Ex OKC resident here - that was ages ago.

[ImprovedRomeo]

My response was:

I think a week is reasonable, it's just been hard for her with the instability and inconsistency. However, I know it means a lot to you to take her with you and I hope you guys have a good time. No evil me around to ruin a good vacation lol

I also appreciate you asking me how I feel about it, thanks.

[ImprovedRomeo]

ST, how'd you know about her's being the gifts. Here's what she sent me when I asked her to take the quiz:

11 Receiving gifts
10 words of affirmation
6 acts of service
2 quality time
1 physical touch

Mine's exactly the opposite (read bottom up).

[mindfull]

Romeo - I could just smack you! LOL

[mindfull]

My response was:

I think a week is reasonable, it's just been hard for her with the instability and inconsistency. However, I know it means a lot to you to take her with you and I hope you guys have a good time. No evil me around to ruin a good vacation lol

I also appreciate you asking me how I feel about it, thanks.

LOVE what you and ST came up w/EXCEPT for the bolded statement! LOL You are funny, though. We're either smacking or hugging you!

BTW, we scored almost duplicate scores on LL's! LOL Wonder what my H's would be... same as your W's? If so, we may have a boilerplate solution for this mess some day!