Tristan, first off, congratulations on getting this far!
While I'd agree that your W will need to accept your timeline, the reverse is also true: you will need to accept hers. If she's anything like my H when he recommitted to the marriage, she'll go through a period of walking on eggshells, of not wanting to talk about it, of see-sawing ups and downs that gradually stabilize to a clearer, happier self. Again, it may be up to 2 years before she's really able to understand what she's done, talk about it, apologize fully, and finally begin to forgive herself. You will both have to be very gentle with each other.
Forgiveness IS very hard, for it implies that you've worked your way through all sorts of conflicting emotions, and will not bring the subject up again to use against her. It takes a long time to get to that point, so you don't want to rush the process and leave anything festering inside you. If you like, there's a wonderful forgiveness programme that I found was amazingly helpful. You can find it at www.abuddhistlibrary.com. When you get there, search "Forgiveness of others" & select the top entry, Folder C:\My Documents. Then look under "Forgiveness" at "Material from Guy Pettitt" to find "The Forgiveness of Others Process."
Take your time working through the 17 steps. When I found I was too angry to continue, I'd let it wait a few weeks before continuing. The program is comprehensive and challenges you to examine every aspect of how your life has been affected--and then reframe what you've learned throughout your journey in a positive, affirming way.
Anyhow, now you have that option if you're interested.
