You are right. I don’t know what she thinks. A 180 for me would be sending flowers and pursuing. In C we determined that she is very touch oriented. Gifts don’t really mean that much to her. And certainly all the things I do (cooking, cleaning, home improvement, bill paying, etc.) don’t register as my expression of love and building a life together.
But having contact with her is strictly on her terms. If I call her, she screens my call and gets back whenever she wants. If I email, same thing. Right now we started couples counseling, and that is the extent of our contact. Last week, she was so wedded to divorce (how is that for an oxymoron ), I left our couples session completely up to her. She said she felt badgered into going to couples C. After her IC last week, she kept the couples C session. So, maybe that means something.
Do I make her laugh? Not really. I still joke around with her. She doesn’t seem to respond. We had a discussion on our date and she says she wishes she was more “fun”. I said I wished I was more “funny”. But she is right. She is a lot less “fun” than when we married.
Do I want to stay married? I do. I knew what I was getting into. She wasn’t a size 6 when we M. If I look objectively at the situation, it doesn’t give me a lot of reasons to though. Even the counselor asked if I would be okay with me continuing to do everything and expect my needs not being met. It sounded pretty horrible. She agreed and said nobody does something for nothing for very long.
I’m just afraid that we reconcile and things don’t change. She is very adverse to conflict and any discomfort. I don’t want to wake up 5, 10, 15 years from now and be in this situation again only worse.
I realize you are only getting one side of the story, but does my sitch look that bad to an outsider?
