Well we had a talk last night about all that happened how she felt at times, why she left, what kept it from becoming sexual, timelines of when things occurred, etc. She was exhausted, upset and irritated at the end, saying "I know you are curious. But when will we be done? I feel like I am being grilled. I cheated and I lied. What else do you want? That is the nature of things; cheaters lie. That is what they do. I am sorry."
She wonders how the details help me. I sometimes wonder too, but they do. I think it may be a world that she never let me into, but I always knew was there. I am finally being allowed. Nothing surprises me anymore and the fact that she is finally letting me in makes me feel good. I was not angry. I was just as she said "simply curious".
But in the end when she was frustrated and obviously upset, I felt very bad. I understand that I haven't been able to completely let go yet. I feel week for not being able to do it; how hard can it be to just forgive and move on?
