Work thread for Jack - LBS Stages

[cat04]

Wow OP making people think...:)

I have to say that I agree with HB on many points.

I once chronicled my journey on here so people could see the process that I went through...

But it really is such an individual process for each of us.

Acceptance was something that was hard fought for me. First accepting that MLC even was real, because that really did mean that there was not a lot of traditional marriage counseling stuff that I could do to fix it. Then accepting that my H was in a MLC. Then accepting that I had no choice but to either join him in misery or start living for me.

Living for me meant much mirror work. More than I care to admit to. I had my own issues, some from childhood, some from the religion I was raised with, some cultural, some from adulthood and my marriage.

Filtering out all of the garbage, releasing all of the anger that I held inside, anger at myself, God, and others...learning forgivness for others and for myself and self love were two of my biggies.

Accepting that my abandonment issues were really a lack of self confidence for me, and learning how to find that confidence again...

Then accepting that my H actually WAS trying to deal with his issues and that was HIS process to go through. And I could NOT help him. Except to allow him to take his journey, thus allowing us both to continue on our paths.

There is still so much that I need to work on. I do believe that it will be an ongoing lifelong process.

Every once in a while something comes my way that either shows me what is next to work on, or convinces me that I am on the correct life path for me.

One thing I have learned from this place, is that there isn't a set way for people to go through this. Men and women seem to come at their healing from different starting points and get stuck in different places.

And getting stuck is ok once in a while, as long as eventually you take that next step forward. FEAR is what really keeps us stuck. In the long run, there really isn't anything to be afraid of, but you often don't know that until you just simply try...