also, last night on the phone my H asked about legalizing our separation and preparing ourselves for the D-word. he had said that to me in an email earlier yesterday, which sent me down the hall to the bathroom where i could cry in private. i don't think he knows what he wants and my fear is that he's going to pull the trigger on this in a state of confusion. i haven't heard from him at all today, and i don't expect to, even though he said he'd email me this week just to touch base.

i know i'm letting this all have too much control over my emotional state but i feel like i am flailing around in my own crisis right now and am not sure how to calm my emotional brain when it's screaming, you're getting divorced! you're getting divorced! my rational brain is saying, no matter what, you're going to be fine. but my emotional brain is really not interested in listening right now...

why now after 2 months apart would he ask me about signing the agreement? he just started an anti-depressant to help him stop smoking again and i know it's messing with his emotional health right now, but he probably doesn't see that.

i feel very hopeless today. :'(

Me30 H29
M2.5 T5
H moved out 1/23/2010
H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010
...feeling hopeless