I wonder if the OW is really pushing hard for a D. I just am wondering what is going on with her and her hubby....
Can you speak to your husband beforehand and remind him that you are for reconciling?
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
I did make it clear before and after the class last night, that I want to reconcile and stay married. My H just said "I don't see it ever working" I just told him I'm sorry you feel that way and that I can't control how he feels, but that I feel there is a chance for us. I told him the best thing for me right now is time, and asked him to please give me some time before divorcing. I asked him for a few months where we work on ourselves and then sit down and decide where to go from there. I think he is considering it, but he did say the advice he is getting is to take the kids from me and hurry up with the D. On that note, I know his oldest sister and her H are planning on inviting him over soon and talking with him about working it out with me.
The class wasn't what I expected, very little was taught about working out the marriage. However, the teacher did state that the best scenario for kids were married couples that didn't fight. The rest of the class was mostly all about co-parenting and the affects divorce has on kids. But they also stated that kids do get through this. Needless to say I was a little annoyed.
I've never heard from the OWH since his parents and OW's parents recieved that letter that stated she was having an affair with a married man. From what my H told me a few weeks ago, their divorce is almost final, and OWH and OW do not want to get back together.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Ah, so her D is almost final, so I am guessing that she is pushing your H to D quickly. Just guessing. What a loser she is.
Did I read correctly? He wants to take the children from you?
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
He did not mention his source, but I'm sure it's not anyone that cares for him and his kids.
I'm thinking she is pushing him too, but I have a feeling he is getting annoyed with her as well.
He did mention that his L said he could file for emergency custody after my OD attempt. But he said he didn't want to take the kids from me, he just wanted to make sure I'm ok before I take them back. He didn't file the custody papers. And honeslty I don't think he wants the kids full-time, it would put a dent into his single life.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
With all this going on. I hope you can detach and focus on yourself. I posted on Flowmom's thread about the dead soldier analogy. The benefit of facing your fears or worse case scenarios mentally to basically relieve anxiety and stress. To really think- well, if this man does D me then how will life be? How will I recover? To really examine and face these fears helps you gain inner peace, I believe.
Enough about him. The focus obviously has to be about you and your healing form all this harm you have experienced. I think you have to find some activities that will bring you happiness- a hobby, socializing more, meetup.com groups. etc.
MB-the mental break was coming- no one can work 60 hour weeks, go to school full time, be a mother and have a hubby doing this. NO ONE is that strong. No one. Something has to give.
I hope you can move forward with a mental state of strength. That regardless of the outcome you will be ok. You know this about you.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Exactly... he won't take tehm because OW does NOT want that responsability... If she heard he was taking them that would bea HUGE dent in her plans.
If you can stall for a few more months she will just keep pressuring him and complaining that the D isnt happening... the more you stall the more SHE ticks him off... its a good setup for you from a strategic standpoint.
I think we know who his "source" is at this point... OW.
He needs to hear from people who tell HIM the OPPOSITE of what she's telling him (not you)
1. Back off on D 2. Divorces hurt children 3. mb28 does NOT want a divorce 4. You are divorcing a family that does NOT want split up 5. You wont' go to family therapy with your wife to work on anything
Thank you june and allen. I agree that no one is that strong, but at the time I become so obsessed with saving my M that I couldn't handle anything else. It was not healthy. I would still like to save my marriage, but I know I can no longer obsess about it. I just need to take it one day at a time and hope for the best but expect the worse. No more pursing, calling, texting, etc. It's been hard this last couple of weeks, but the temptation is getting weaker.
I'm going to work on myself, for myself and focus on being a good mom. No longer focus on my H and his drama.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
mb, do you have a really good L? You need one. (((mb)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
