My Story

[Wired]

Yesterday was a rough one. My wifes birthday and the card I mentioned before. I walk into the tomb (house) and its laying on the kitchen table like it ment nothing to her. I was totally exhausted from a 14 hour shift so I laid down to take a nap.
When I woke up went to the fridge to get a drink and noticed they had ordered chinese without asking if I wanted anything.
So in my demented mood Im thinking OK she doesnt want me to be a part of her birthday.

Well a bit later her and the kids came downstairs and she asks if I want some cake, so we do the normal lighting of the candles and sing HB and dig into the cake, during which she says thank you for the card and the iTunes certificate I put in there.

Then everyone disappears back upstairs. This hit me really hard, I miss this woman so badly and I would give everything to just hold her like I used to. But I cannot at this time seem to break from this shell that is keeping me locked up inside myself.

But I do see a glimmer of hope and I am holding on to it. I have been doing my 180's and starting to GAL with some old hobbies and have not lost my temper in weeks. And the thank you I got was the first kind words she had said in over 2 weeks. She has also not brought up the subject of D or S or even contacted her lawyer in over a month. So either she sees hope or she is just planning on dropping a bomb on me. The uncertainty of it all is the worst part I think. Should I approach her about it or let a sleeping dog sleep?

@Prairie
Thank you for the kind words, and as far as the suggestion, the day I can break through this shell I will try little things like that. When this first all started happening I had a long talk with my two youngest and let them know how much I love them, but my oldest daughter I have not been able to approach as she is so much like her mother and has closed down to me.(So it seems)
But I keep trying.