I was wondering if anyone had any insight into my sitch. Me:39 W:35 M:9 No kids. Bomb dropped a month ago.
We are completely different people. I am very active. She is very sedentary. I like to stay fit. She is very overweight. I don’t know what she weighs, but I am 6’1” and 200lbs and she is 5'6" and significantly outweighs me. I do literally all the chores in and outside the house. I can get her to help out when I nag, but she acts like she is being punished. I love my hobbies. She has none unless you count sitting around with the laptop and tv as a hobby. I think that bothers me the most. She has no interest in anything except work. Not even decorating our home.
Understandably this has caused some resentment on my part. We don’t discuss this because we are spectacularly bad communicators and she is extremely sensitive about critical comments. I’ve just resigned myself to this being my life. She obviously has picked up on this and has been pretty unhappy without attempting to change anything.
She is however very good at working in her job. All her energy is focused on her work. In fact work gets priority over everything else. It takes her on the road a lot. She spends a lot of time out of town. I get pretty lonely and add to the resentment.
My WAW dropped the bomb a month ago. She moved out immediately and was already arranging an apartment beforehand. She admitted to an OEA, but I’m not sure how far it has gone. She said he made her laugh and she realized what she was missing in our marriage. I did accuse her of a PA. She denied it, but this is a Facebook A and he lives an hour away.
She was surprised at my reaction to the bomb. She had already talked herself into believing I did not love her and it was only a matter of time before I left her. She said she was always afraid I would find another woman. I explained I did love her, but we both needed work. But she stuck to her guns and wanted a D.
I got the full script including ILYBNILWY. I was able to get her to agree to C and then proceeded to break every one of Sandi’s rules. Over two weeks it was all phone calls, flowers, texts, emails, lots of ILYs, unwanted PT. She said she wished I would stop. It made her feel guilty when I did those things, but I think part of her liked the attention. I tried to keep our conversations mundane and not about our R. She said, “You know. This is the longest conversation we have had in months.” We went on a short date and I thought it went well. She seemed pleased, too. Then I got pushy and ruined it. She was back to asking for a divorce. I told her I wasn’t going to divorce her after two weeks.
Then I found this site and got a copy of DR. I went dark and have been working on myself. It is harder than it seems, since I already work out a lot, and keep busy with many projects. There is not a lot more I can do to GAL, which is mostly the problem with our M. Two people living fairly separate lives. Plus other than changing my attitude (PMA), I’m not sure I need to be a new and improved version of myself.
My questions are: Is the LRT really what I need to be doing right now? If the WAS is convinced that the LBS doesn't love them, isn’t cutting off all contact reinforcing that in their mind? If I show up looking fitter, happier, and content, isn’t that reinforcing the belief I don’t need her or am happier without her?
