Oh, I forgot - I said no to leaving during the break, no to separation, no to her going overseas cause we can't afford it (esp when paying for RV and so many other things to help us). I told her she's beautiful, too.
What about an equal partnership. Telling someone no is very controlling! How about- I can not control you, you are free to do as you please but I did not want you to go. I do not think the money is there for this anyhow...
Good telling her she is beautiful. Now find one feature you like about her. Maybe her hair, her eyes... one thing that she will believe you on and tell her often how much you love her... whatever (eyes, hair, etc.)
OTMT, I have been in her position and my husband had told me over and over in different ways taht he no longer found me as attractive as when we first were together. This kills a woman's soul.
Also, lots of non-sexual physical touch. Hugs, rub your hand across her back... Give her some money to buy new clothing and to go to the salon for whatever she wants- highlighting, nails, massage. I woman who is dresses well and well groomed will feel better about herself. I know you stated that she neglected her looks but once a hubby lets a woman know he does not find her attractive. She loses all motivation. She gives up.
It is your job to repair that. It will take much longer than you think and more work than you think necessary.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
