Fm thank you for reminding me = being addicted to prescription drugs explains so much of his erratic behavior over the past eight months. I don't know much about it so I'd appreciate any knowledge people have.
Trying to get info on prescription drugs...per my talk with Gno, I'm trying to be connecting with H. So I acted as if I was interested in some medication myself and asking for advice. I got H to open up and tell me what he uses and when. I don't know if he's telling me the truth but it was said in a friendly trusting way. Sneaky, but I need to know what the extent of the problem is, if there is one.
Apparently he reaaaaaaaally likes opiate painkillers although claims to only take them once every couple of weeks. He says he never has enough supply to get hooked but could see himself getting there. Uses them for recreation.
H also has benzodiazopines and uses them to counter anxiety. Apparently both these types of drugs can be addicting.
I don't know how I would prove in court any addiction to these substances as he does not have prescriptions for these things and is not being monitored by a doctor. THere is no record.
What do you think? Am I over exaggerating this problem? Should I have red flags up? Still confused! And after last night - here we are sitting in the living room together talking for hours.
Not my favorite subject, however, but apparently one of H's. UGH
Ok gonna be really blunt here hun sorry I dont mean to hurt you and I wouldnt dream off it as you know!
You are dealing with a drug addict, there is no working round one or getting them to get help as they cant until they decide too. Im am so glad you have finally realised that its not your fault, your H cant cope with life properly even on drugs! What you do or dont do isnt going to help. Honestly I wanted to come over there and smack you H when he said "Bluh I might not eat it" how childish is that..
That said keep on doing what you are doing in the most do it for you, if H gets a grip its a bonus.. I really IMHO think you should ask the L what their opinion on dealing with him.
So sorry I couldnt be around for you last night FB chat was being so naughty! Hang in there hun, always here for you even if over the other side of the pond.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
h4l: His anti- anxiety drugs. i wouldn't worry about them. but mixing them in combinnation with something else could cause mood swinging and is dangerous as well.
What kind of "opiate painkillers"? Vicodin makes people energetic and then mood swinging and mean. Oxycontin? It's highly addictive. One of the worst.
If it's true that he's using painkiller "a few times a month" recreationally, at least assume he is lying and up it times four.
THat has you at near daily prescribed anti-anxiety med use (fine, b/c if he's using the correct dosage, it doesn't make him "high" anyway, though he could have to "wean" off of them). But he's mixing them at least ONCE A WEEK with some kind of painkiller which if it has not already could soon make him an addict.
That would be my most conservative estimate I would allow myself of the situation.
H4L, I agree with LR. I don't think your chances of reconciliation are hopeless but you need to assume you are dealing with a drug addict. Until that's dealt with you can expect a lot of problems dealing with your H and you will need to be really strong.
Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
Fm thank you for reminding me = being addicted to prescription drugs explains so much of his erratic behavior over the past eight months.
You have to remind yourself of this over and over. Not to excuse the behaviours but to remind yourself that there are forces at work here that you have no control over.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Not my favorite subject, however, but apparently one of H's. UGH
I think you're on the right track with talking to your H about it in a friendly way. I wouldn't confront him about it until you have more info and a plan.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
But the thing I got was - it's not my fault. H always tries to make it my fault. It is not. It's not my fault he choses drugs over growth. It's not my fault he avoids feelings. I have to repeat this a million times to heal the feeling of rejection. Then I felt as if a 12 tone weight was lifted off my back.
That's great H4L.
I wonder if you should be working on more carrot and stick stuff with your H. Rewarding good behaviour and setting very firm boundaries with bad behaviour. It's so hard with your S witnessing everything.
Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
H got in a fit when I didn't have dinner cooked when he got here. One of the 180's I've done is to cook dinner every night (prebomb I only microwaved!). But for obviously reasons I didn't feel like doing anything for H or our "family".THank goodness Gno had reminded me to not react and keep doing what I"m doing...or I would have given H major attitude tonight. Gno advised to not do LRT so I kept DBing.... H started to storm out to the store to get his own meal. I asked if he'd pick up a few things and he started getting nasty.
I said straight =- "what is annoying you?" H gets all nasty and complaining and I just stayed calm. "I"m tired, I didn't plan a meal ahead, I should have, I want something fresh." I said I would cook and he said "don't because I can't guarantee how I"ll react or eat it."
I just ignored him and whipped something up. Some yummmy curry with rice.
This is really bad behaviour on your H's part. It doesn't really sound like you set a boundary there and you basically rewarded it. Do you feel like you slipped into doormat mode there? It's hard to tell from reading. I don't disagree with Gno's advice, but has he advised on how to deal with your H's bad behaviour?
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
This is all crazy! I'm trying to figure out what is "addiction" and if it's possible to be responsible while using painkillers recreationally? I am trying to figure out the reality here.
He says he's not addicted. He still works and goes to the gymn and functions - if this is true - then wouldn't it be different than being addicted?
I am seeing my L on Thursday.
I can't believe I was feeling so positive and now everything is all mixed up.
And FM, I don't know if I"m a doormat. I honestly don't. IT does sound that way doesn't it? I just know that I need to keep up my end of the deal if we are going to be married - and that is to be a solid homemaker since I don't earn any money. A trigger for H is seeing everything at home be let go - as when he lived here and things were going badly I was gone a lot and doing the minimum with the house and cooking etc.
But you're right maybe I should have said, please go ahead. I just couldn't stand to see my H storm out as soon as he arrived for S's sake. My father used to do stuff like that - if he were moody he's storm out and it always hurt me. I'm trying to keep S from feeling abaondoned and any thing I can do to have dad here and calm is healthy for S.
But is it healthy for me?
This is really hard. I don't know if I should even be on DB anymore. Perhaps I need to take more drastic measures with H and just move on.
The one thing DB and all you fabulous friends have helped me with is keeping my cool. I had ODP in full force and I"m sure that stunned H. He was so sure this news would send me over the edge. I am not avoiding it, but I"m not going to mother him either. I'm gathering info calmly to help myself and my son.
