SH: NOTE TO SELF (and others): when trying to GAL, make it about ME and the other(s) present & NOT talking, talking, talking about the R. When people want to engage, ask them Qs about themselves & their lives instead and re-direct conversation to topics OTHER than the R (EVEN if it's the only thing on MY mind!). This is difficult! I need to get more comfortable just having normal conversations instead of deconstructing everything all of the time. I cannot truly know what is happening with his MLC or speculate on what's going on in his head and his life (esp. with NC in effect). This is about me!
This is great advice. Thanks for sharing it. It's so true. How is it a break if your friends, while being supportive, are dragging you through the muck again DURING your GAL break?
Sounds like the positive companies and distractions (when you get them) are helping some. Keep up the great and hard work!
Today was also productive... 1. raked ~ 1/3 of the leaves (huge work!), cleared garden beds, cleaned up potted herb (so good to see growth!) & prepared herb garden plot. 2. went for a restorative forest walk with neighbors (and stayed QUIET!!) 3. did a facial with a neighbor 4. had a delicious bath 5. bagged up some (now oversized) pajamas for the Goodwill 6. hanging out and dinner with neighbors (in which one neighbor's friend talked about his D experience and pulled me in to talking about the R...sigh...AND it gave me hope again...double sigh!).
A good day overall. But also STILL missed my WAH/foemer gardening buddy ...but it's only been 6 weeks! ...Not sure if I'll ever NOT miss my best friend...
That sounds like a great day. I have "not sure if I'll ever NOT miss my best friend" syndrome too. Don't worry about that part. It's all in how you're going to handle feelings like that and it looks like you're doing a great job trying to take care of you AND dealing with stressful feelings as they come up. Getting busy sounds like it's helping you some.
SH...I am still missing my best friend too and know that this nicer weather is going to make it worse so trying to not think about H and being busy!!! We love to camp and here camping season is almost upon and I am sad when I think of H and kids camping without me!
Sounds like you did a great job galing yesterday!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
This morning, while doing my daily joint checking account review to subtract WAH's activities, I noticed an increase in spending and withdrawals over the past week (the NC thing appears to be making WAH less mindful of financial obligations...). So, I just opened a private savings account and moved the savings representing the scholarship I was awarded last year into it.
The question is: should I let him know (by text only, since we're in NC) or let him find out (and potentially 'flip out') on his own? I really don't think that - in his 'fog' state - he is even paying attention to this stuff...but I need to think about things like security deposit on a future tiny apartment, etc. once the house sells and bills still have to be paid while I am getting it ready for that...
In other news: the auction house is coming to pick up a number of my family antiques this morning (sigh)...giving up these legacies, in the interest of an assumed future lack of space, is MUCH DEEPER than acting 'as if'!
Any insights will be greatly appreciated!
SH
Me 42 H39 M 10 years, T 12.75 years MLC began spring 2009 ILYBNILWY 1/18/10 WAS 2/5/10 EA revealed 3/6/10 EA ended (by her) 3/7/10 M - DOA...but working on getting disentangled.
SH, In my opinion, I wouldn't volunteer the information to him. If it should come up that the account appears to be short, I would then advise him that you moved the funding for the scholarship over to a separate account. You can actually say, "I wanted to keep that particular funding separate from our normal account activities". The less you volunteer when they are like this, the better.
Your postings sound like you've been keeping busy. This is all good because it helps to keep you focused on you and the activities you are/were performing.
I'm sorry to read that you are giving up some family antiques. I do hope that you will get a good price for them. Money can never take the place of what they are worth in your heart and memories.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I used to be a paralegal in another life & I just spoke to an L who I worked with previously who advised openness, lest it be perceived as a 'grab'. So we decided that I'll send a quick text along the lines of: 'FYI - moved scholarship money into a separate account this morning...'
That way, he'll be informed. I'm not sure when to send it yet (don't want to hit him with it first thing in the morning AKA - his usual 'grumpy time' even before MLC!). I guess I'll do it after the auction dudes take away my grandmother's things so that I can lead with that...
Thoughts anyone?
The L also thought that we might 'run the numbers' to see if an SA with financial provisions would provide added protection, since the house is unlikely to sell too quickly.
Yes, letting go of the antiques is a painful choice that had to be made...it hurts a lot (and even makes usually non-angry Buddhist me a bit angry!)...
This whole thing is just so surreal and heartbreaking! I know there is nothing I can do to wake him up to what he giving up - everything that we worked for, the full and happy life we had - but I sure wish that some universal 2x4 would clunk him on the head and wake him up!
SH
Me 42 H39 M 10 years, T 12.75 years MLC began spring 2009 ILYBNILWY 1/18/10 WAS 2/5/10 EA revealed 3/6/10 EA ended (by her) 3/7/10 M - DOA...but working on getting disentangled.
Also on all correspondence make sure you follow the 48 hour rule. Don't send out anything for at least that amount of time. Also posting it here is a great idea so we can give you feedback on what you are sending.
Quote:
I sure wish that some universal 2x4 would clunk him on the head and wake him up!
You can wish for this but don't expect it to happen!
...but it's only been 6 weeks! ...Not sure if I'll ever NOT miss my best friend...