FG, in H's case, it wasnt just sex. I think that is what makes it more paiful. She wasnt just a girl he fancied and went to bed with. She was a relationship. He loved her. One of the 3 emails he sent to her that I read said "You are my love, I dont want you just for sex, let's not have sex again if you dont want to, I would still want you in my life, you are my angel...".
They were "living" a life together. Supporting each other, he took her to the hospital when my FiL was in IC, he cared about her job, they almost had a child together... I wish she was just a girl he f@cked. But she wasnt. She will always be one of the loves of his life. A big one judging by what he did to have her....
I had shared "my stuff" even before he found out. He didnt believe me then, dimissed my "story" as a way to make him upset. When he found out it was true, he never asked a thing. I have admitted I was in love and felt loved, but I wont share with him anything if he doenst want to hear it. I have read men sometimes do just that and I think H is feeling responsible for "my stuff" as you call it as well.
I agree with you. He needs to do work with me and I can lead him to. It's just that insecurirty and resentement are making me feel bitter and hopeless often... K
