Holy Crap! Didn't expect THIS!

[Trixi]

I think you've already read the Harley books, so you know one plan could be to make sure you have 20 hours a week of positive time together.
So you might put that to him.
Dont discuss it with him, dont say where you got it, dont explain in too much detail WHY you're asking for it.
I'd just suggest saying to him,

"I think that in order for us to really make a go of it, we need to commit to spending AT LEAST 20 hours a week of fun, positive time together.
This REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME.
Are you willing to commit to that,every week, no excuses?"

I did even better than just reading the books; we went to a MB seminar. In a sense, that was the straw that broke the camels back. When I tried to encourage the Undivided Attention time, he was busy being depressed, mopey and disconnected, so it was far too great of an inconvenience to have to put time in. Okay, that was a little snarky for me to say... I'll say it this way he HATED the "requirments". Of course, Harley (when I told him my situation) asserted that my H was either cheating (he wasn't--as soon as we separated he put a profile on match) OR he was a sociopath because it was almost unthinkable that someone would destroy a marriage and family just in the hopes of maybe finding something better. (ie, he wasn't in the fog, I was actively trying to make the marriage work, etc.)

I just remembered that yesterday he said he might see his mom (and stepdad) tonight and that he would tell them about his impending job loss. I said "what are you going to say about us?" and he said "That we're thinking about getting back together. That you might be moving back soon..." I said "ORRRR, you could say that we ARE getting back together, that I AM moving back in soon and that we are going to make it work. That you were selfish and despite how you treated me I have stood by you thru thick and thin and that I *deserve* a REAL chance- not a half-assed one!" He laughed. ..but it's not really funny...

Planned living together...yes...this is so freaking hard. I have a bad feeling that I won't be sure of where I live until a week after I move there since according to him we "might" be getting back together.