hey, I think if you read the For Men Only, you'll get some more insight to what was going on with your wife and what she couldn't tell you.
I haven't actually read that one, because she wrote For Women Only too, and I was very much enlightened by that one, so if it's as good as that, I can only imagine how good yours will be since she's actually a woman herself!
I am with you on being hesitant to try to make it work again. This time, when she wants to come back, make her work for it, and if she doesn't do the work, then you can set that boundary. I still believe, no matter what, you have a chance to R though. and you can possibly help her out of her darkness.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I can't wait for the books to show up...hopefully later this week.
I really don't think she's going to come back and if she does I still don't think she'll want to work on it. But I hear you loud and clear, I'll keep the door unlocked for her just not wide open.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
1. There are so many things I want to say to STBXW. Like how we're strong together, how things are easier to manage when we live together and most importantly how our DD's future looks so different to me if we don't stay together. I think of all the stories I've read about kids having problems because they came from a 'borken' house. I don't even have to look too far, my wife's dad left her mom when she was just 4 and she hasn't forgiven her dad to this day. Now I feel like she's doing what her dad did...even though she's not abandoning DD it's still hurtful to her. Last night when DD called me we talked for a bit and then DD said 'Daddy can I come visit you tomorrow?" I told her sure. How can I say no? but then I heard STBXW in the background and DD said "Daddy, mommy said, we'll think about it". I told her OK, if she wants to she can call me anytime and I'll definitely see her in two days.
2. There are so many things I want to tell her like...how could she be so self centered, how could she just pick up and leave whenever the heck she pleases like it's some kind of a joke? How does she expect leaving me or divorcing me is going to make her happy. I want to tell her divorce is just a piece of paper...exactly like how she perceives our marriage. Happiness comes from the inside not from someone else. Sure someone else can help nurture it.
3. How can she not be grateful for all the things we did together? Why does she only focuses on the bad memories of arguing and fighting (that I can't even remember but she took notes with dates and times) and not all the good memories we had together. What about all the vacations, what about all the times we hung out and did things together, what about when we helped eachother in every possible way. What about when I put her before my own needs (cars, financially helping her, toys/gadgets for her). Always thinking about how to surprise her with something nice that she needs/wants/would-like etc.
4. Ugh, I'm angry because I feel like an idiot and sad because this was my soul-mate.
OK I backslid today but I think I need to let myself express my feelings so I can see things more clearly.
Last edited by StupidRomeo; 03/23/1003:45 PM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Hey, give me some time today... but I am the MASTER of bringing around "Mr. Pissed Off", minimizing the bad memories, creating new ones, normalizing life, and creating a welcoming home and being to be in, and around.. I did a recap of everything that worked for someone awhile ago.
The only problem is that it gets you to a lovely point of limbo, which may, just suck even worse!
Ok, Now I'm pissed off at Mrs. Romeo.
HUG that cutie girl when you see her.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
SR- I have very similar feelings to you. That part of the book resonated so much with me- where she talks about how they rewrite history- suddenly everything is remembered differently, or selectively remembered, through a filter of how they feel today. It's maddening. As if they would've stayed married to us if NOTHING was EVER good. C'mon. But it hurts. I at first tried to argue with my H when he started down that road, but stopped quickly after reading the book. *I* know our past. *I* know we had happy times- lots of them. And I believe that you did, too. Perhaps it just eases their conscience about what they're doing now to rewrite b/c it's easier to convince themselves they have no reason to stay- if it were ever happy with us, then they may not be justified in what they're doing to us now.
I tell myself that, but it still hurts when they do a rewrite. My heart aches for you when I read about your interactions around DD- I mean, I think you're doing great stuff, but I just wish you didn't have to even discuss sharing time with her or whether she can visit you. It must be very sad- kudos to you for handling it maturely and like a good parent, even if there are times when her mother doesn't.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
Her email today (we haven't really talked,txted,emailed other than strictly DD):
can I go visit home (back east) with DD for a couple weeks? I was thinking of the last week of April and first week of May if that's ok with you.
I am going to be gone the weekend of April 23-25 (leaving fri 23 coming back sun 25) going to San Luis Obispo for a 100 mile bike ride. I was thinking of leaving the tues/wed after that. Jet blue is having a good sale for today and tomorrow only so if you can let me know that would be great.
Also, Don, the owner of the DD's school died this weekend. He had been fighting cancer. There was a note yesterday when I went to pick up DD.
Whenever I asked her to plan a vacation for us since she wasn't working she said she didn't want to take a vacation. Now all of a sudden she wants to go and take DD with her for 2 weeks? I don't want her to take DD but I really can't say no. She did this last time too. Maybe she'll cheat on me too like the last time she left.
100mi bike ride? what is she? a pro bike rider all of a sudden? whatever. Maybe she should bike ride to the east coast.
Intersting also is how she only asks me if it's DD related but tells me of her decisions when it comes to her. And how exactly is she planning on paying for all this? She goes into debt and then expects me to help payoff her debt.
I was thinking of replying:
Absolutely. You finally want to take a vacation! yay for you!
Goodluck on the ride.
I hope his family didn't desert him while he was suffering from his ailment and died a happy man.
BTW, I've booked tickets to take DD to Europe in May for 4 weeks, if that's ok with you? Please let me know by tonight so I can cancel for a refund.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Your daughter is too young to be away from either one of you for two solid weeks. One week is long enough. (But, you handle in how you feel comfortable...)
Also, isn't D6 in school? That's a lot to miss, and it has to be AFTER Spring Break!
If you need an au pair for D6 while in Europe, I think I'm available! LoL
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Mind, I'm with you. I'm usually the one who has to bring up all the 'what-ifs' and she hates that. She flys by the seat of pants, doesn't really put a lot of thought into anything.
Do I want DD to leave at all? no but do I really have a choice in saying no. I don't think I do without repercussions later on. I hate it when she's in control without even looking like she is.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
