I've been in an SSM for 6 years now. While I was silently enduring doing a 180 (less asking for sex) (looking back, more like a lopsided 180 - my fault), she said she was thinking of a divorce 6 months after I started it (again, probably due to my lopsided 180), of which I responded with a lot of confusion, anger, bitterness, and resentment.
So we then started therapy. After just 1 session, she suddenly gets diagnosed with Cancer, completely random, unrelated, and ill-timed (Thanks God?). I thought I would lose her - it was bad. Surgery then chemotherapy. I was also in the middle of a intense legal battle that was completely unrelated. Did I say we are in our late 20s? We survived that, I took care of her, but my silent (lopsided) 180 became a full-blown 180. We have no children, not sure if the Cancer prevented our ability to have it.
Fast-forward today, we have been to three more therapists, with no answers aside from figuring out how we got here.
She has no idea how we could ever "reignite" our passion. I just dont ask for it - I cant, it has an opposite effect.
Read the SSM book 5 years ago. She tried the just-do-it approach and it led to "resentment" (and still blames me) as we discovered in our therapy sessions (thanks Michelle!).
I already read Schnarch's differentiation concept. Practicing it. She read portions of it too until it got all pornographic.
I silently read the Divorce Busting book and trying some real 180s (not the lopsided ones).
I am also reading the 5 languages right now.
Anyway, caring for your spouse when she needs you the most, sacrificing all your own needs, takes a huge heart. Yeah, you and me know that already, we have a special place in the afterlife (I dont really know that - I like to hear it). But it still hurts - and we endure it.
