Are regrets when you end a separation normal?

[june72]

OK, I am confused. Is your religious statement for 3 months till a D still valid? Or did you take that back?

You CAN NOT move forward in healing this marriage till you take that off the table. See if from her point of view. Be bold, tell her you are removing the pending D and are committed to working on this marriage no matter what and that you will not give a D degree ever again. Tell you are wiser and now know that D is not the answer. That you see the good qualities in her that you missed before. That you cherish her in ways that you have not before. Hold her hand while saying this and look into her eyes. Be kind and if she does not respond kindly be strong enough to realize that she is hurting and testing you to see how genuine you are. Give a long hug and tell her- you still expect there to be difficult days but you realize that you can she can handle the tough times. That rather than focus on each other's flaws adn shortcomings you wish to focus on the good qualities. Then simply state I love you, I care for you. I am sorry (even if you feel there is nothing to apologize for she does not feel this way). Having someone tell you that they want the M to end is an injury in itself. I know I have been there. It is extremely hurtful.

From this point on act confidently that the M will work. Project confidence. Before entering your home each day put a smile on your face and bee line to your wife and give her a warm hug adn kiss. Smile and ask about her day.

Do this and see how she responds... I know the results will be positive.

Am I making sense? Did this come up in Retro? Have you spoken with them since? How can she fully commit to you when you are not acting in good faith and taking a leap forward. Do not continue to let this fester in the marriage. No wonder she is on the fence. You are still showing yourself to be, IMO.
Withdraw that pending D!!! Take a leap of blind faith- it is what is needed here.

I really have to read through all your latest posts...