New here but have been reading the forums for a while.

H's in MLC (I think).

If anyone understands this, or why I can't move on, please advise!

Very briefly, both mid 40's, married 23 years, 2 kids (7 & 15), 2 great careers, beautiful home, everyone is fit and healthy and happy.

I was overly career focused a few years ago (so I drifted from the R a bit), because something in my M didn't feel right (was his very brief EA but I didn't know it then).

H starts into MLC, a brief EA with OP decades younger and totally inappropriate. It ends, but H is relatively sucessful and his "friends" encourage him to keep "living the life", which pulls him further from our R. He gets really mean, nasty, argumentative, blocking, withdrawn, and basically tries to get me to leave my house and kids (NO WAY!!).

Last year we sell the house, then as soon as it's sold he moves out. Packs his bags suddenly and without notice, D see's him head out the door. Gone.

Leaves me and the kids in a sold house with no where to go, the sudden emotional wreckage, packing up the sold house, finding somewhere to live, new schools, new F/T difficult job, everything. Have to move to a new tiny inappropriate (for us) town near my work, I have no friends or family here, kids lost their house, friends, schools, etc. We do pretty well, and try for a new start.

4 months later H wants to reconcile. Maybe there was another EA and she left? I don't know.

It goes way too fast, and then H can't decide which life he wants and starts being difficult again, it's very disruptive to me and the kids, but he won't choose. He wants to come around whenever he wants, but then leave for the other life whenever he wants.

Note that this is not W vs. OP, there doesn't appear to be any OP right now... it's W vs. Other Life!! He spends almost all our savings on setting up a new life for himself. Won't even let us live in the same city as him. He will not file, all the legal fee's are left to me. He doesn't want a D, he just wants 2 lives.

I start filing with L, feel like I need to protect myself and my kids future, I have no idea what is going on with H.

H says don't file with L, lets work it out. The words we all want to hear, right?

But he will not come home to me, and adamently will not let us live in the other city with him, and I miss my family being all together, and I miss my H who I've known most of my life. H keeps saying it's all my fault that we're in this situation. My fault he can't decide. And so on.

H says wait a few weeks and he will decide.
Then next month he will decide.
Then in a few months he will decide.
Tells me do NOT move on (though H keeps building up another life for himself somewhere else?).

I can't GAL -- because I have a life (sort of already) -- I have a great job which I can't focus on at all (and which has me stuck in this other city), wonderful kids who miss us being together, hobbies, and some good friends (who are now far away and getting very tired of listening to all this), I just miss H and us all as one (why after all he has done?)

I don't know what to do anymore, everything he does is nice, when he's talking to me he looks and acts like my H and my friend, but then he turns nasty, and verbally abusive, then reconciliatory, then pulling away, over and over and I really could use some advice!!