Update: Today I recorded another phone conversation my wife had with the OM. She spent about two hours on the phone with him today talking about how she wants to be with him and is in love with him but she's not sure it's OK with God. And that she's not in love with me and doesn't think she can fall in love with me because she is not attracted to my personality. The OM has been married for 18 years and we have been married for 12. They talked about how they have both been faking it for years. They ended the conversation saying to each other "I love you", words that I haven't heard for several months now. What can I do?
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Stop recording. Stop listening. That kind of intel is not good for you.
Now that you know this (and I think it was GOOD to do), I agree -- just stop. There's nothing further you can gain if it's going to eat you up inside.
I know it hurts (like Hell), but this is all just so much SCRIPT. Every wayward says this. Five days before my wife begged me to take her back, she was texting OM saying "You're the only one who does it for me," and my own recordings turned up my wife saying she wasn't in love with me, and could never stay with me. Five days later, she's telling me "You're my home."
If you CAN stand to listen, there is valuable intel you can gather. You can tell what OM is doing that she likes, and what he does that she DOESN'T like, and you can use it to your advantage. I don't have time to give examples now, but I have a ton.
You have to be able to get yourself to a place, emotionally, where you are nearly COMPLETELY DETACHED, so you can get into the "gamesmanship" mode that you need to be in order to aggressively fight an affair. (ADs help). If you can't get to that place, and this stuff is just going to set you OFF your game, then you need to stop listening.
Yes, thanks for that insight. I believe I can be completely detached. Yesterday evening, I did not talk with my wife at all. I like to know what's going on. I'd love to know how I can use the information to my advantage.
I notice my thread is up to page 10 and I may need to start a new thread, so if you are not able to post here, look for my new thread soon.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Ken, you may want to update your signature with a brief outline/timeline of your situation so everyone can help you out asap... once a thread gets long people aren't able to keep up to date as easily
You don't need to create a new thread just because there's 10 pages.
Ken looks like you're doing OK...I've been out of the pic for a while, but will add more later...I agree about script- so don't loose heart, but def keep detached and dont drive yourself crazy
This has been going on for almost a year now. Have you enforced any boundaries at all? It just seems to me that your W does whatever she wants to do and never faces any consequenses. She clearly is not concerned about how you will react to her actions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
