Yes, I would definitely date others, and I think I would cut her off, while she went off to do a trial separation/dry run. And there would be NO expectation that I'd wait for her.
Good. I think that's healthy, and the only way to go should you go the separation route. "I'll be here, waiting," RARELY works.
I don't think there's really any need for you to snoop right now anyway. That only comes when you're attempting to verify a mutually-agreed-upon no-contact, as part of a transparency plan. Your wife has more or less TOLD you she can't/won't agree to no-contact, so snooping's only going to make you crazy.
I'm sorry you're having to go thru this. I know, it sucks.
