H and I texted yesterday and today, all of them cordial and with appropriate levels of concern and interest on both sides.
In an effort to further my 180 plans, I did something radical that I've done only once since the separation.
I asked H if he would like to have dinner.
The last time we had dinner together was in January. It was, in my opinion at the time, a pleasant evening. This was one of the interactions I later learned H felt was "more of the same." My positive, upbeat attitude put him off because he didn't understand why I wouldn't be sad and upset about our separation. His pain was great, and I seemed like I was not bothered at all.
I've learned from this mistake!
After I sent the text request, he responded with, "Dunno are u gonna be normal and not stepford wifey?" That made me laugh out loud! It's a glimpse of his old sense of humor, and I liked that he was teasing me (both things haven't happened in a while, and it brought back some familiar, happier times).
We tentatively have plans for dinner on Tuesday night. I don't think he or I have any work commitments that would interfere, so tomorrow night may be our best night this week. I'm looking forward to a chance to see him and to have another opportunity to interact. I'm smarter and better armed this time!
Number 8: "He's tired? We're all tired. What makes him so much more tired than anybody else? Does being sad make you tired?"
This is classic! Love it! (and it's also, sadly, a good point. We ARE all tired. Ha.)
Yes, our parents should go out to dinner. It would be hilarious. My mother also likes to ask questions and raise her voice. They would have a grand old time and they could bring each other roses.
It is an EXCELLENT point! We ARE all tired! Life makes you tired. It completely frustrates my father that H would "be tired" after a day's work. My father, the workaholic and never-sit-still-for-long guy, is intolerant of sloth in any form. My H has committed some terrible sins, in his opinion.
Well, you know, my father just happens to be single, and he's always interested in dinner with a fiery companion. Oh, to be a fly on the wall at a gathering like that . . .
You'll definitely hear about the dinner after it concludes. I wouldn't be surprised if he avoids me for a week. Or even longer. I am losing my ability to be surprised by anything he does or says.
Dinner with H is in less than two hours. I hate feeling nervous like this! He's my husband, for crying out loud!
We're meeting for dinner at the place where we had our first "date". I use "date" in quotes because we'd been there before as friends and in a small group with other friends. The first "date" was when it was just the two of us, and things seemed different. I'm not sure I'm doing a good job of explaining it, but I can still remember the feeling from that night--just knowing something was different.
When H texted this morning about where to go for dinner, I asked how sushi sounded. I have a great fondness for sushi, but not too many of my friends do. The only people with whom I eat sushi are my H and his brother and brother's wife. There are quite a few sushi places around our area, and I didn't specifically suggest this place. However, he texted back and said, "Ok I'll meet you at [name of place] at 7:00 sound good?" I won't say that it didn't make me happy that he chose that place.
Now I'll reel myself back in. I don't expect tonight to be some cure-all or magic remedy to our troubles. I do, however, expect to have a good time with H. I'm looking forward to it.
I am happy for you. I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing about how things go. Have fun.
mrbt
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
You're probably eating sushi right now (yummy). Hope it's going well 8
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
