Her heart has already left

[AmyBel]

On the one hand. She is a wounded animal. She has chemicals floating around in her brain. She has done something horrible and part of her knows it. She is having childhood stuff come up. She's in chaos and doesn't cope well with that. I feel compassion and I have vows, and self respect as a kind and loving person, to live up to.

I would do my best to ignore the biting and growling of any animal in a trap and try to help.

On the other hand her mistakes have been harmful to me. She has disrespected me. She has acted without compassion or consideration for me. She continues to expect me to be a doormat or she expects me to behave according to her projection and assumptions. She doesn't see ME. I don't trust her. She is behaving in unexpected ways. I'm angry, and have to protect myself.

I find myself in this dilemma over and over when trying to address this problem.

I will NOT lie, sneak, spy. That doesn't work with who I am and want to be. But I have access to Cell phone bills (research today revealed that the EA was going on before she recognized it.) and her e-mail and calendar (research today revealed she's having trouble coping w/ life). And she knows that I have access.

I believe my task is to find a way to take care of myself while staying true to my vows and my understanding of my best self.

I have a low tolerance for being ignored, dismissed, and disregarded by my wife. I have to control my urge to approach her as a result. I know that.

GAL, 180, be the better option... all well and good. The challenge is in the day to day living!

Yes, I would definitely date others, and I think I would cut her off, while she went off to do a trial separation/dry run. And there would be NO expectation that I'd wait for her.